Well, it looks like I have a bad boot sector on my hard drive, so if I'm not in touch with you guys, that's the reason why. On my roommate's computer right now, amidst piles and piles of what I hope are only dirty clothes.
I watched "The Royal Tennenbaums" this morning- good movie, even if it wasn't as funny as I had hoped. The whole thing made me think about me and my relationship with my own dad. The dad in the movie acted a lot like my dad did- basically, without any regard for others around him. Just add a mean streak and a problem with drugs and alcohol, and you've got him. I was still thinking about my dad when the movie ended. I stepped outside for a smoke, and looked down and noticed something in the yard.
The place where I'm staying has a pond in the backyard. It was still frozen, and I saw the goldfish in there, frozen as well. Almost like they were suspended in amber. I looked at the fish, and realized that we had that in common- we were both suspended- frozen. To put it in the words of a crappy Irish rock band, we were "stuck in a moment that you can't get out of".
I realized, and not for the first time, that I needed to move on- to stop letting my father's abuse define who I am as a person. I'm not a child anymore, and I'm definitely not HIS child anymore. Hell, I don't really think I ever was. The point is, I'm 25 years old now- I would like to consider myself a man. Still, I carry all the pain and hurt feelings he caused me around like so much emotional luggage. I need to let it go. The problem is, I don't have the first clue on how to go about doing it.
Any suggestions would be most welcome.
Despite all this introspection and soul-searching, I feel pretty good. I do need to figure out what to do about my dead machine, but I think today I will leave the house early so I can pick up my textbooks and sit in front of Starbucks and smoke and read and do my homework, as is my wont and fashion. My stomach is even bothering me a little bit, no doubt in part to the piece of chocolate cake I had earlier for breakfast, but despite even that-
I feel okay.
I watched "The Royal Tennenbaums" this morning- good movie, even if it wasn't as funny as I had hoped. The whole thing made me think about me and my relationship with my own dad. The dad in the movie acted a lot like my dad did- basically, without any regard for others around him. Just add a mean streak and a problem with drugs and alcohol, and you've got him. I was still thinking about my dad when the movie ended. I stepped outside for a smoke, and looked down and noticed something in the yard.
The place where I'm staying has a pond in the backyard. It was still frozen, and I saw the goldfish in there, frozen as well. Almost like they were suspended in amber. I looked at the fish, and realized that we had that in common- we were both suspended- frozen. To put it in the words of a crappy Irish rock band, we were "stuck in a moment that you can't get out of".
I realized, and not for the first time, that I needed to move on- to stop letting my father's abuse define who I am as a person. I'm not a child anymore, and I'm definitely not HIS child anymore. Hell, I don't really think I ever was. The point is, I'm 25 years old now- I would like to consider myself a man. Still, I carry all the pain and hurt feelings he caused me around like so much emotional luggage. I need to let it go. The problem is, I don't have the first clue on how to go about doing it.
Any suggestions would be most welcome.
Despite all this introspection and soul-searching, I feel pretty good. I do need to figure out what to do about my dead machine, but I think today I will leave the house early so I can pick up my textbooks and sit in front of Starbucks and smoke and read and do my homework, as is my wont and fashion. My stomach is even bothering me a little bit, no doubt in part to the piece of chocolate cake I had earlier for breakfast, but despite even that-
I feel okay.
VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
avanttard:
I don't know what YOU'RE talking about. I think that Sunday was the first night I'd stayed in in probably 2 1/2 weeks. So yeah.
26oo:
he he...what if you got a dog named boot sector.