I came to a realization today. Being unemployed is like being a drug addict.
Follow me on this one, okay?
Everything I do now is motivated by one thing- money. Not in itself, but as a means to an end- to put gas in my car, to buy another pack of cigarettes, to refill my prescriptions so I don't have a massive panic attack, or just to buy some food so I don't starve. Every thing in my life right now has dollar signs surrounding it. And when I drive down the street, paranoia creeps in because I don't wanna get pulled over- because I have no insurance.
I can see a lot of parallels between the two- I'm starting to feel like a drug addict. My mind is becoming rough and primal- my moods are coalescing into one permanent state of terseness. I'm becoming desperate, and I don't like it. Last night when I hosted karaoke, I was alternately harassing and begging for tips. I don't like the way it's making me feel. And, like a drug addiction, it's starting to show itself. People can smell it on you. People start to avoid you because they know you can't do things, like go out. Members of the opposite sex don't want to have much to do with you- they can see it in your eyes, read it in your face. Friends you thought you had suddenly fade into the scenery, simply because they're tired of you not buying drinks. You borrow money from people you really don't want to borrow from, like your family and friends, and when you can't repay them, things get strained- you wind up losing friends and ostracizing family members. And so on.
Therefore, until I find a job, I'm changing my name temporarily- I shall now be known as Desperation. If you see me on the boards and wonder who it is, remember that it's still me, folks- I'm just trying to paint a picture of how bad things are for me right now. I've sold most of my possesions- CD's, books, movies... my clothes will be next, probably.
Something's gotta give, and fast.
Follow me on this one, okay?
Everything I do now is motivated by one thing- money. Not in itself, but as a means to an end- to put gas in my car, to buy another pack of cigarettes, to refill my prescriptions so I don't have a massive panic attack, or just to buy some food so I don't starve. Every thing in my life right now has dollar signs surrounding it. And when I drive down the street, paranoia creeps in because I don't wanna get pulled over- because I have no insurance.
I can see a lot of parallels between the two- I'm starting to feel like a drug addict. My mind is becoming rough and primal- my moods are coalescing into one permanent state of terseness. I'm becoming desperate, and I don't like it. Last night when I hosted karaoke, I was alternately harassing and begging for tips. I don't like the way it's making me feel. And, like a drug addiction, it's starting to show itself. People can smell it on you. People start to avoid you because they know you can't do things, like go out. Members of the opposite sex don't want to have much to do with you- they can see it in your eyes, read it in your face. Friends you thought you had suddenly fade into the scenery, simply because they're tired of you not buying drinks. You borrow money from people you really don't want to borrow from, like your family and friends, and when you can't repay them, things get strained- you wind up losing friends and ostracizing family members. And so on.
Therefore, until I find a job, I'm changing my name temporarily- I shall now be known as Desperation. If you see me on the boards and wonder who it is, remember that it's still me, folks- I'm just trying to paint a picture of how bad things are for me right now. I've sold most of my possesions- CD's, books, movies... my clothes will be next, probably.
Something's gotta give, and fast.
VIEW 23 of 23 COMMENTS
but seriously, there are jobs, not nearly the one you want, but jobs nonetheless.
in the meantime, can i still call you satan?
sending virtual hugs your way.