So if it wasn't clear for some reason in my last journal, yes, it was about me. I'm still really sad and scared. My brain hurts and I have a huge bruise on my back from where it hit the corner of the sink.
All I wanted was three peaceful days away from the computer. To stop thinking so much and move on. So I took a trip to see an old friend to get away from it all and what happens? I have a fucking seizure. And what's the first thing I do? I run to the computer to post about it. To tell you it finally happened after all the warning signs. That in the middle of it all I could think of was you. I wish I hadn't even said anything now. I wish you didn't know. None of you.
I still don't exactly know what happened and for how long it lasted, but it woke everyone in the house up and they came running to the bathroom door, pounding on it, and screaming at me. I must have knocked the porcelin lid off of the back tank to the toilet. That's destroyed. The candleholder on the wall is no longer on the wall, and they had to break the door down to get to me. Well, actually they didn't have to do that. It was unlocked, but her roommate kicked it in anyway. That's not entirely my fault.
The most embarassing thing was that when they found me my boxers were around my ankles.
They wanted me to go to the hospitol, but I refused. I'm so fucking stubborn, and no, I'm not going to my doctors either. I don't want to know what's wrong with me. I don't want to be medicated for the rest of my life. I'll just deal with the consequences as they come up. Thankfully this happened with people around and not at my job. It could have been much worse.
So now back to work tonight and then to see Echo and the Bunnymen tomorrow night. Hopefully this weekend is better than the past few days. Now I need to unwind from trying to unwind. Unreal.
All I wanted was three peaceful days away from the computer. To stop thinking so much and move on. So I took a trip to see an old friend to get away from it all and what happens? I have a fucking seizure. And what's the first thing I do? I run to the computer to post about it. To tell you it finally happened after all the warning signs. That in the middle of it all I could think of was you. I wish I hadn't even said anything now. I wish you didn't know. None of you.
I still don't exactly know what happened and for how long it lasted, but it woke everyone in the house up and they came running to the bathroom door, pounding on it, and screaming at me. I must have knocked the porcelin lid off of the back tank to the toilet. That's destroyed. The candleholder on the wall is no longer on the wall, and they had to break the door down to get to me. Well, actually they didn't have to do that. It was unlocked, but her roommate kicked it in anyway. That's not entirely my fault.
The most embarassing thing was that when they found me my boxers were around my ankles.
They wanted me to go to the hospitol, but I refused. I'm so fucking stubborn, and no, I'm not going to my doctors either. I don't want to know what's wrong with me. I don't want to be medicated for the rest of my life. I'll just deal with the consequences as they come up. Thankfully this happened with people around and not at my job. It could have been much worse.
So now back to work tonight and then to see Echo and the Bunnymen tomorrow night. Hopefully this weekend is better than the past few days. Now I need to unwind from trying to unwind. Unreal.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
paleenchantress:
i understand sweetie because i was ogoing through a rough time before i got diagnosed with diabetes and g.e.r.d(gastric reflux disease. its not fun knowing something is wrong and part of you wants to go to the dr. so you can finally start feeling better and the other part doesnt because you just dont want to know. when you are ready, i really hope you go sweetie but i do understand
lucky7:
Wow, I hope you start to feel ok again. I agree though, you need to go see a doctor! I know its scarier to have a doctor tell you what's wrong & all the details & then tell you you have to take medicine, but you really need to. It could effect work & driving a car & stuff. I had serious brain damage when I was in highschool & never got help. I kept snowboarding & kept hitting my head. Now they tell me that if I have one more blow to the head I'll start having epeleptic seisures. I now try to avoid injury, but anything could happen. Please at least look into it online, then make an appointment! Its better to take care of it now, than have something bad happen. I worked in a school with kids with disabilities & was around this every day. Its something that can be controled, you'll be ok! Call me