So I am pretty much saying "SCREW IT".
Honestly. I cannot take much more of this. I get treated waaayyy better by just my friends and even by people i just meet than this broad. Which is hysterical because she and i used to be great friends and great lovers. Now? Not so much.
I had a female friend from Umass come visit. She's living in NYC now but had a wedding to go to on the cape. So she stayed @ my house and we had a blast. It honestly was the best time i have had in 2 months. worry/stress free. I dont think i have ever gone to a single beach and walked up and down the entire thing before. until now.
She understands things that most people miss. but i dont know how to translate that to me. I'm not sure if she understands me, but we do have a sort of connection. She's a good friend of mine and we were able to speak frankly about OUR past relationship (which wasn't much... just a kiss) and where we could've been at any particular point in time. She believes that we weren't ready for each other at 3 separate occasions for various reasons. And neither one of us wants to get into a relationship like this now. (of course i failed to mention i was sort of in one.- but i wasn't trying to hide it) Anywhoo... She thinks i would be a great bf. a great father, and a great lover. ( JESUS! If only my "gf" understood all this we'd be golden! ) She also that she doesn't know if we'd ever work out because we would be too polite to each other. . . and i got to thinking about it. She might be right. I have seen her hurt and she has seen me hurt. And i dont think we'd want to hurt each other... so we might do anything we could NOT to. Although in a good relationship... you need that every once in a while.There's going to be a fight or two OR a couple of arguments.
Well... it was sure tempting having her over. She is Gorgeous. We get along well together. We can converse for long periods of time. We just have a good connection... and... we have a past. So. . . She was definitely a temptation, but I didn't do anything because of the "relationship" that I cam currently in. Although, she won't know that, because i am not going to tell her. why? Because. That entire weekend I did not receive ONE single phone call or text from my "gf". so if she's trying to push me away or not she's doing a good job of it.
i shouldnt have to wait for a word from her like that. So I kept my focus on my company. Then on work. Now... i'm going to do ANYTHING else until she contacts me. I give more than she does. She needs to see that i can live w/o hearing from her. she needs to understand that i'm NOT going to do all the work.
I see great potential in this relationship....... if she just gets her ass in gear.
She's a busy girl. she's got a lot going on.
monday: work then school.
tuesday: work then school.
wednesday: work then school
thursday: work then work2
friday: work then work 2
saturday: study group sometime in the day
sunday: hw and studying on her own.
Pick a day where i fit in.
What? can't find one?
neither can she.
oh well.
I've still got to focus on me and getting me to a place I want to be. Hopefully then things will work themselves out a little more. I need to get out of this god damn debt. I need to get 1 or 2 steady well paying jobs. (preferably 50k a year to start) but it all has to start somewhere and i have 4 directions right now. and on a side note: i never wanted to go to NY for any reason. I had no interest in living there... but now... i think i might want to live there for 6 months. try it out. then L.A.
ugh.
phew.
okay. well the happy parts were good, right?
my friend from NYC is awesome and hott and fun.
OH! AND.... while she was here I had a "flying dream".
Theses are my favorites. I haven't had one in almost 2 years. I woke up and didn't realize i had it. i think it took me almost an entire day to realize that i had a flying dream. It was amazing. I miss those. Maybe it's a sign for something better. something greener.
time to clean, send out faxes, do other work, and more application follow-ups.
see you later SG!
~Q.
PS. HAPPY AUTUMN!!!!!!!!!!
Honestly. I cannot take much more of this. I get treated waaayyy better by just my friends and even by people i just meet than this broad. Which is hysterical because she and i used to be great friends and great lovers. Now? Not so much.
I had a female friend from Umass come visit. She's living in NYC now but had a wedding to go to on the cape. So she stayed @ my house and we had a blast. It honestly was the best time i have had in 2 months. worry/stress free. I dont think i have ever gone to a single beach and walked up and down the entire thing before. until now.
She understands things that most people miss. but i dont know how to translate that to me. I'm not sure if she understands me, but we do have a sort of connection. She's a good friend of mine and we were able to speak frankly about OUR past relationship (which wasn't much... just a kiss) and where we could've been at any particular point in time. She believes that we weren't ready for each other at 3 separate occasions for various reasons. And neither one of us wants to get into a relationship like this now. (of course i failed to mention i was sort of in one.- but i wasn't trying to hide it) Anywhoo... She thinks i would be a great bf. a great father, and a great lover. ( JESUS! If only my "gf" understood all this we'd be golden! ) She also that she doesn't know if we'd ever work out because we would be too polite to each other. . . and i got to thinking about it. She might be right. I have seen her hurt and she has seen me hurt. And i dont think we'd want to hurt each other... so we might do anything we could NOT to. Although in a good relationship... you need that every once in a while.There's going to be a fight or two OR a couple of arguments.
Well... it was sure tempting having her over. She is Gorgeous. We get along well together. We can converse for long periods of time. We just have a good connection... and... we have a past. So. . . She was definitely a temptation, but I didn't do anything because of the "relationship" that I cam currently in. Although, she won't know that, because i am not going to tell her. why? Because. That entire weekend I did not receive ONE single phone call or text from my "gf". so if she's trying to push me away or not she's doing a good job of it.
i shouldnt have to wait for a word from her like that. So I kept my focus on my company. Then on work. Now... i'm going to do ANYTHING else until she contacts me. I give more than she does. She needs to see that i can live w/o hearing from her. she needs to understand that i'm NOT going to do all the work.
I see great potential in this relationship....... if she just gets her ass in gear.
She's a busy girl. she's got a lot going on.
monday: work then school.
tuesday: work then school.
wednesday: work then school
thursday: work then work2
friday: work then work 2
saturday: study group sometime in the day
sunday: hw and studying on her own.
Pick a day where i fit in.
What? can't find one?
neither can she.
oh well.
I've still got to focus on me and getting me to a place I want to be. Hopefully then things will work themselves out a little more. I need to get out of this god damn debt. I need to get 1 or 2 steady well paying jobs. (preferably 50k a year to start) but it all has to start somewhere and i have 4 directions right now. and on a side note: i never wanted to go to NY for any reason. I had no interest in living there... but now... i think i might want to live there for 6 months. try it out. then L.A.
ugh.
phew.
okay. well the happy parts were good, right?
my friend from NYC is awesome and hott and fun.
OH! AND.... while she was here I had a "flying dream".
Theses are my favorites. I haven't had one in almost 2 years. I woke up and didn't realize i had it. i think it took me almost an entire day to realize that i had a flying dream. It was amazing. I miss those. Maybe it's a sign for something better. something greener.
time to clean, send out faxes, do other work, and more application follow-ups.
see you later SG!
~Q.
PS. HAPPY AUTUMN!!!!!!!!!!
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
miss you doll.