midnyte

I'm an idiot. This is not in response to any one event but a general blanket statement about my life. Nothing ever big, but all of those times when I said the wrong thing, came off too harsh, couldn't shut up and helplessly watched myself talk myself right into a hole, every word like a shovel full of dirt burying me deeper and deeper into the DAMN! I feel like an idiot why can't I shut the hell up hole. Does anyone else have this? I call it diarrhea of the mouth.

Then there are the moments I have found myself being emotionally slutty. Moments when I dumped some awful thing on a mere acquaintance who has no idea what to do with the thing I just flung at them. I hate that. Then I have no idea what to do when I see them next. I apologize and then feel dumb when they look puzzled at me for apologizing for being a dumbass. I find an excess of caffeine tends to bring these sort of moments of idiot about for me. What the fuck? I love my caffeine for getting stuff done and waking up, but my god keep me away from all but the closest of my friends and loved ones I guess. Argh. Ok, now I was emotionally slutty with all of you dear readers, do you feel cheap and used?