midnyte

I have finals this week for the semester. "Summer II" classes SUCK! It feels like winter and I'm still in my summer classes. I don't think I will do second summer session again.

I was supposed to start 3 late-start 8 week classes next week but I feel really burnt out on school right now. I keep taking classes and it just feels eternal. Graduation is like the carrot at the end of the stick but it is beginning to feel like I will never reach it. I've had several setbacks academically. Moving, deaths, illness. Then the department head doesn't want to accept a bunch of my transfer credits. It's like I get so close and then poof it all goes away.

I was aware all of the work I did for University of Phoenix (NEVER GO THERE) in 2000 would not transfer into a real university and I was sad about the time and money I spent on a worthless education there. After a year of their classes it was pretty sad still being a freshman with 0 credits again. But state schools were much more affordable and all online too so I could still work. Not to mention accredited! Then the economy killed my career choice so I decided I had better train for something else. Many of my interior design credits are pretty specialized and don't count towards anything else. So I can chalk them up to things I know but interior designers and architects are at the front of the unemployment lines right now and the outlook is pretty grim for a while. I couldn't even find anyplace willing to take me as an intern. They just didn't have work.

I hated doing hair and nails, or to be more accurate, I hated how stupid most of the people doing hair and nails around me were. Painting a fake smile on my face while listening to the idiotic ramblings and insane justifications for bad behavior was embarrassing. The stylist next to me got a compliment on her bag and then was bragging to the client about stealing it!! I was so embarrassed I could have died right there. I walked out and never went back. Let my licenses lapse and have no interest in doing it again.

I suppose I'm just lost because I want to find a career I love and I'm getting kind of old to still be dabbling around in so many things. I want to wake up every day excited to go to work and love what I do. I honestly won't even accept any less. I'm lucky that my husband can support me so I could sit around and do nothing for the rest of my life too and still have a roof over my head. I think that makes it harder though because it is so easy to walk away from things which suck.

When I was single and my son was a baby I put up with so much at jobs, sexual harassment, jobs I came home from crying, vomiting, headaches and overall miserable because I HAD to. I didn't feel I had a choice because if I quit before having something else, I was going to be on the street with a baby. Since getting married it's like FUCK YOU if a job sucks. It also sucks having a training/lifestyle discrepancy. Like when I have a better car and bigger house than the person I work for because my husband affords it for me. It is weird because coworkers and even my immediate supervisor act weird about it. Ask me why I have a job and whatever. Maybe because I want to do something other than sit around and tick my life away? My son is grown and in college. My art and my dogs are nice but I would like to have a paycheck and have my own income and life so I don't feel like a house slave. My people were slaves long enough I think.

I'm going to take some time off I think. I talked to someone at student services and she thinks it might be a good idea too. Between buying a new house finally, moving and everything else I think I need a break for a few weeks. Then I can just start spring semester on a normal schedule too.