mexicore

It's not premarital sex if you never plan on marrying them.

At the end of todays meeting, my boss looked around the conference table and said, Alright, I guess that just about covers it. Anyone have anything else they want to add? I raised my hand. She looked at me said, If this has anything to do with the fact that todays your birthday, you can She paused for effect and then broke into a huge...
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I saw my boss changing the sign on the janitors closet, so I asked him what he was doing. He said, Im calling this janitor closet The Dungeon of Annoyance. Whenever an employee acts overly negative or hostile, they have to sit in this closet until they calm down and are ready to be a team player. What do you think? I said, Thats the...
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Bahahahaha! My coworker just sold me a $50 Mervyns Gift Card for only $37. Little does he realize: I made that $37 dollar bill in Photoshop and its completely USELESS. Oh man, what a dumbass. Anyway looks like Im going shopping after work today.

Im pretty sure Im in love with my new boss. Shes cute, funny, and has a Big Lebowski calendar in her office. About two minutes ago, she came by my desk and handed me a post it note with her office and cell phone number on it. Im pretty sure the only reason she gave me her digits was to stop me from yelling across...
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Fun way to tool your friend: When the cute waitress comes to take your order, ask her, "Hey, would you ever date a guy who was on that show 'To Catch a Predator?'" After she says no, look at your friend and say, "Shit. Sorry man. I guess your best days are behind you."

The movie "Avatar" is loosely based on the time I ate lunch at Rainforest Cafe after auditioning for the Blue Man Group.

Went out with my roomies Panda_Pewp and Blossom last night. Epic times were had, the end.

Morgan Freeman, played a black president in a movie long before that was ever even an issue... Some time after that Morgan Freeman played God in another movie... Shortly after that Morgan Freeman narrated an awful movie about penguins that was only tolerable because he narrated it... If you aren't catching on... Morgan Freeman is the answer. Morgan Freeman 2016.