mexicore

At the end of todays meeting, my boss looked around the conference table and said, Alright, I guess that just about covers it. Anyone have anything else they want to add? I raised my hand. She looked at me said, If this has anything to do with the fact that todays your birthday, you can She paused for effect and then broke into a huge smile. Suddenly, hundreds of balloons fell from the ceiling and the song Celebrate, by Kool & the Gang came blasting through the P.A. system. Everyone jumped up out of their chairs and started dancing. The entire company began pouring into the room and the place turned into a full on night club. Smiling, I put my hands behind my head and leaned back in my chair to soak it all in. I pointed and nodded as the janitor moonwalked across the room. As he passed, he lowered his sunglasses and pointed back at me, muttering in a language I didnt understand but I just assumed meant, Youre my fucking hero, once translated. Then, the president of the company walked in and the music stopped and a hush fell over the crowd. He fixed me with an intense stare and then handed me one of those oversized checks like the ones they give to lottery winners. He welled up with tears and said, On behalf of the entire staff, wed like to present you with this token of our esteem. The check was for $100,000 and made out to El Guapo. I accepted the check and we both flashed the Westside, sign for a gaggle of paparazzi that seemed to materialize out of nowhere. I jumped up on the conference table and held the gigantic check over my head and let out a huge Braveheart FREEDOM yell. The place went nuts. Ripped to the tits on adrenaline and feeling like a demented god, I brazenly tossed the check over my shoulder and went to stage dive into the adoring crowd. Time slowed down like a scene from The Matrix and I watched in horror as the crowd parted like the Red Sea and I plummeted head first toward the ground. I screamed, OHHHHH SHIIIIIIIIT, and then braced for impact. Suddenly, I was snapped back to reality by the sound of my coworker barking my name. I blinked a few times and shook my head and said, Huh? What? He said, Dude. Whats wrong with you? I looked around and saw that I was sitting at my desk. I said, Oh I uh I was just zoning out. Sorry. He said, Ive been trying to get your attention for like thirty seconds. Youve just been sitting there, staring into space and smiling. Fucking weirdo. Come on, lets go to lunch. I said, Yeah, I uh Ill just meet you in the break room, I guess. He rolled his eyes and walked off. I looked around the room. There was no night club. I looked up at the ceiling and there were no balloons. I looked around my desk and there was no $100,000 check. I sighed and slumped in my chair. I looked over at the janitor and he wasnt doing the moonwalk he was just dusting and whistling. He must have noticed me staring at him because he stopped what he was doing and then looked up at me and flipped me off. I laughed and shook my head. He smiled and then went back to dusting and whistling. Call me crazy, but Im pretty sure he was whistling the song Celebration.