Wednesday Jul 14, 2004

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My family is disintergrating. My mother is moments away from asking my stepfather (whom I actually like... alot) for a divorce. My stepfather just forceably removed my stepbrother (whom I also liked) from the premesis for long disputed actions. He has also recently disowned his other son (whom I didn't really like but had grown to think of as family). I have unofficially been disowned from my "real" family for not partaking in functions and generally having a life outside of them. I am not afraid to admit that I have been crying for the past few hous and just wish it would all go away.

I find that I have very little to be happy for, and very little to be alive for. I have good friends and a great partner, but having to deal with this and the shit at work is getting far too stressful. Maybe if one of them didn't make me want to take my tattoo's advice I could be okay. But they both make me want to heed my own advice.

I'm just so fucking tired of this and I wish it could go away. I'm only happy for roughly an hour and a half a day... the rest of the time I just feel like being done with it.

"...when you're gone / no one will miss you / and when you're dead / no one will cry."

- Evergreen Terrace No Donnie, These Men Are Nihilist

I'm starting to agree with it more everyday.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
aliceinmyhead:
I love the desktop! Cheer up sweetie. It will get better. I promise.
monsterbaby:
Hard times suck so much ass and the feeling of hoplessness is just a cherry on top.
Just remeber there are things you can't control and things you can....focus on those.
Like you told me yourself you have great people in your life you are so very fortunate, but what I have learn (wait still learning) that I can't expect them to make me happy. It has to come from me first.
shesh sorry if that sounded cheesy and I was in no way or form trying to be preachy know it all...I don't.
But you seem (from what I've read) to be a good person.
hang in there and I meant it.

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