mexicant

every second breaths life into a reason for dying / our ignorance will only
stunt our final will to live / bound and gagged / i feel forced back in a
losing race / i've been stepped on and passed by / but i have enough hope to
keep fighting

all of my life / all of my pain...
driven by suffering

all of my life / all of my pain...
driven by suffering

every single choice i must make
driven by suffering

EVERY SINGLE CHOICE I MUST MAKE
driven by suffering

-Hatebreed: Driven By Suffering

My theme song.

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Ok to explain about yesterdays post Ill start by saying that I was drunk. Really drunk. I do that sometimes. But, and you all know this already, Im a depressed motherfucker and I hit it hard last night. Im getting kicked out of my house in two months and the terms behind it are unpleasant to say the least. Theres a long fucking story behind it so I wont go into it, but suffice it to say that my family and I are not on the best of terms right now.

I have been living with my parents and step-brothers for a while for reasons I really dont want to get into. Last night my mother, step-father, and I got into a very large, very aggressive argument about everything that is me. So it was mutually agreed upon that I am leaving the house in two months.

So, in response to the fights with the people that are supposed to be the sole source of constant support, which they have never really been, I decided to drink again. I had been relatively sober for a few months, but I could not take it last night. I needed to alter my sense of being so I could forget for a minute. I needed to escape without escaping if you will.

This does not mean that I am going to be the drunken bastard I was before (for those of you that worry). This was a one time thing and (hopefully) I wont look to that again. I do still drink, quite often really, but I know I do have a problem with self-medicating with alcohol. I dont want to be that guy again.

In other news, I spent the weekend with Creamsaver. We hung out at my place ( ) watching tv, movies, and playing videogames. She beat me at Capcom Vs. SNK 2 EO (Xbox) three times without throwing me constantly. Granted, I was using E. Honda one of the times And I beat her ass in under ten seconds with my boy Akuma when we got serious. Hahaha! Im bragging about beating up a girl on a videogame!

the girl can play videogames with me though. And its an actual match when we play.

She even watched Inuyasha on Adult Swim with me. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love anime and cartoons. Im really a twelve year old boy stuck in the body of a twenty one year old. But then again arent all guys?

So yeah. Good weekend. Except for last night.

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Whats a good Racing game? Doesnt matter which system (I have them all). Im just looking for something fun. Someone said Need 4 Speed 2 was good, but I like customizing my cars and Im not sure if I can do that there

**********

My gf makes me feel centered. Know what I mean? She always makes me feel better when I talk to her. Its almost like, I cant help but be happy when Im with her. Does everyone have someone like that? Or at least something like that? Or should I just count myself incredibly fucking lucky?

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11:26 05/17/2004

I just had an amazing convo with plaingurl. She called me to kill some time before she had to board the plane to go home from prom but I had a blast anyways. She's such a cool friend.