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methadonepretty

United Kingdom

Member Since 2004

Followers 45 Following 48

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Monday Sep 05, 2005

Sep 5, 2005
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How the hell did I end up here?

*I split up with Dave on Saturday. The relationship was beginning to fizzle out after 5 years together, so I thought it best to end it. The trouble is, I still love him- I'm just not physically attracted to him. Is this a good reason to end a relationship?

*I have strong feelings for one of my best friends (and he has for me), and I felt guilty as hell having these feelings while I was with Dave. My friend's an uncommonly sweet person and has helped me through a lot of stress this year, in a way that Dave wasn't able to. The trouble is, I don't have as much in common with this guy as I did with Dave and he's not so good a conversationalist, but I'm so strongly attracted to him- should I go ahead with him?

*Ever since Saturday I've been having a mini-breakdown. I managed to escape out of Chester to a mate's house on Saturday night which made me feel better but now I'm back in Chester I feel sick to my stomach. I had to take the day off work today because I couldn't get to sleep til 3am through stressing out about things. Have I done the right thing in splitting up? I'm honestly not sure. I know I made the decision, but it's hurting me so much.

*I've been living in Chester for a month now and I'm as homesick as hell. I cry most days and I'm running up a small fortune in phone bills through ringing up family and friends. My housemates are fine but I hate Chester itself. I've lost count of the incidents of verbal abuse I've faced and the night life is dire- snobbish, expensive and there's no alternative scene- it's so fucking MAINSTREAM. And I'm locked here anyway for another 5 months at least because of my housing contract.

*I've only been at work three weeks and I still feel like I'm walking on a knife-edge. I've turned really shy (and I'm not a naturally shy person), my self-esteem's on the floor because I'm not working as fast as I should be. I'm permanentely nervous and my eloquence is stuck in my throat. I would quit my job but journalism's a bitch to get into- I would be committing career suicide if I quit now. I need to be here for a year for the experience before I can go somewhere else.

Can anyone offer me any advice? I know I'm sounding so self-pitying it's unbelievable but I don't think I've been this low for about four years. And at least I was near my family then. In Chester I only have housemates and if I carry on howling when I'm in the house they're going to go off me pretty quickly I guess.


Hope everyone's feeling better than this, take care y'all. blackeyed
VIEW 27 of 27 COMMENTS
rodan:
thanks wink I could use a good hug (virtual or not) today...

You SHOULD write them down tho - lord knows that there's enough stuff being made that almost anybody could do better than you MIGHT have a shot at becoming atleast somewhat better off wink.

I mean, how many times do we NEED some of those movies to be made/remade - like all those TV show movies, ferinstance.

[Edited on Sep 23, 2005 10:16PM]
Sep 23, 2005
sky:
yep, im totally nervous about it being my last year of uni, but even more nervous about the fact that i wont be a student anymore next year. terrifying!

and i totally agree, i get on soooo much better with guys than i do girls usually (i live with 6 boys and no girls at the moment...). .. Although.. it is beginning to get a bit challenging.. they all burp and stuff all thet ime puke
Sep 23, 2005

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