how is it that I am introverted to the point of madness, yet there are times when the only thing that will make me happy is human contact?
any human.
sometimes you just gotta wrestle on Old Main mall, and you gotta have thinly veiled retardedness, and when it's all said and done you gotta spit your Aquafina at the kid because you refused to take part in the water fight earlier today, repeatedly.
my syntax is confusing me lately.
songs that kill you in the morning aid in your revival in the afternoon.
man, this morning was bad. not even weirdo dorks in hammer-and-sickle shirts could get me to want to live. I'm lying in the grass and I'm absolutely.. fucking.. death and it's bright outside and I don't know if it's the sun or the book I'm reading or any number of other things, but I'm crying in my subtle way
and it's so subtle that a stranger walks by and says you are definitely enjoying the weather!
and I twist my head around and give him the most awkward and grotesque closed-lipped grin you could ever imagine.
and I'm lying there and of course this is where jerks and their mothers show up. this is where stupid boys walk by and say wow she really IS tiny
AGAIN
and then they say you're like a tiny little fetal underdeveloped person.
yeah, just fucking, yeah, you're right, I am, but my size has nothing to do with it.
lately I feel like an abortion maybe, or death in a bedpan, but this afternoon I got to feeling okay because of a friend who, beyond reason or expectation, has been cheering me up a lot lately. cheering is not the right word. I don't know. but he's been acknowledging my existence, being a better person than I've ever been, because he knows when to stop and I don't. it's never worked.
this afternoon is okay because of jokes and hugs and middle school stupidity, and then I go to work and I fucking HATE my job and it's just.. it's HORRIFYING sometimes. and Justin visits me and he's as angsty as I had been earlier and I am sorry, but he likes what I did to my hair.
and thinks I look cute in Spider-Man colors.
okay, so, Angsty McAngst still lurks just below the surface, but for now at least she can stop thinking about whatever trauma has done it this time, and she can pretend there is no beef in the spaghetti sauce, and she can underline terms like AIR PIRATE and vow to use them excessively at all hours of the day.
I keep almost crying today and I think
maybe
we should batten down the hatches and prepare for an onslaught of uterine lining, oh yes because
this time it's personal.
any human.
sometimes you just gotta wrestle on Old Main mall, and you gotta have thinly veiled retardedness, and when it's all said and done you gotta spit your Aquafina at the kid because you refused to take part in the water fight earlier today, repeatedly.
my syntax is confusing me lately.
songs that kill you in the morning aid in your revival in the afternoon.
man, this morning was bad. not even weirdo dorks in hammer-and-sickle shirts could get me to want to live. I'm lying in the grass and I'm absolutely.. fucking.. death and it's bright outside and I don't know if it's the sun or the book I'm reading or any number of other things, but I'm crying in my subtle way
and it's so subtle that a stranger walks by and says you are definitely enjoying the weather!
and I twist my head around and give him the most awkward and grotesque closed-lipped grin you could ever imagine.
and I'm lying there and of course this is where jerks and their mothers show up. this is where stupid boys walk by and say wow she really IS tiny
AGAIN
and then they say you're like a tiny little fetal underdeveloped person.
yeah, just fucking, yeah, you're right, I am, but my size has nothing to do with it.
lately I feel like an abortion maybe, or death in a bedpan, but this afternoon I got to feeling okay because of a friend who, beyond reason or expectation, has been cheering me up a lot lately. cheering is not the right word. I don't know. but he's been acknowledging my existence, being a better person than I've ever been, because he knows when to stop and I don't. it's never worked.
this afternoon is okay because of jokes and hugs and middle school stupidity, and then I go to work and I fucking HATE my job and it's just.. it's HORRIFYING sometimes. and Justin visits me and he's as angsty as I had been earlier and I am sorry, but he likes what I did to my hair.
and thinks I look cute in Spider-Man colors.
okay, so, Angsty McAngst still lurks just below the surface, but for now at least she can stop thinking about whatever trauma has done it this time, and she can pretend there is no beef in the spaghetti sauce, and she can underline terms like AIR PIRATE and vow to use them excessively at all hours of the day.
I keep almost crying today and I think
maybe
we should batten down the hatches and prepare for an onslaught of uterine lining, oh yes because
this time it's personal.