After my incredibly long journal entry, I don't know exactly what I want to write about. I'm tired of complaining about my week. But thanks to everyone that left words of comfort.
I don't like to cry. I feel like its a sign of weakness, even though I know its not. But coworker crush guy called me today. It was pretty random cuz he hasn't called since we stopped "seeing each other" or whatever label it was. He was just calling to say hi (he was AT WORK- yet another example of us not really working together). Ughhh, I started tearing up but held it back so he wouldn't know I actually cry over HIM. Cuz pretty much, I don't cry that often.
Even though he doesn't like Crazy Chick, I am all self conscious and shit. What's up with that?
On a somehwhat happier note, he did give me my birthday present last night. It was a HUGE shirt with Bettie Page on it. I love it and it shows that he's thoughtful enough to actually remember some of my interests. But its big enough for him and he's not tiny. So I was joking with him that he thinks I'm fat. He also remembers that the fat issue is my major insecurity.
*NOTE: I am so self-conscious about my weight because my entire life, my parents, who are supposed to love me unconditionally, have always told me I'm fat/chubby/heavy. Lots of emotional scarring from my mom paying me to swim laps, refusing to buy me any clothes that do not resemble a muumuu, overhearing conversations about what they were going to do about me, etc etc etc.
*Again, I'm not trying to have the most depressing journals, but I just so happened to have joined SG in my week of shit. I am generally not so sad trippy.
So my bosses also bought me a shirt. I lovelovelovelovelove it. It's a yellow Strokes tee and they know my obsession with The Strokes. It was a size medium, and my gay boss (translation: does not know how to delicately speak to women about emotional stuff cuz he's used to dealing with men) turns to me and says, "It might be too small for you, so we kept the receipt if you need a size large." Sweet.
Although I usually do wear size large shirts (damn these boobs....oh wait, I love my chest), the medium that they got me fits. So maybe the point of this neverending rant is that if I am a size large, society is really f-ed up. I AM NOT LARGE. There are lots of people larger than me and the sizing of clothing is screwing with MY head. How about the actual large sized people? Psychological and emotional madness.
Well now I need to pry myself away from my new addiction, SG, and do some studying for finals. So I am assuming this week will be better than the last.
And if you're an SG member from LA, there is the possibility of an SG New Year's Eve Party. It will only happen if people are interested, so be interested.
I don't like to cry. I feel like its a sign of weakness, even though I know its not. But coworker crush guy called me today. It was pretty random cuz he hasn't called since we stopped "seeing each other" or whatever label it was. He was just calling to say hi (he was AT WORK- yet another example of us not really working together). Ughhh, I started tearing up but held it back so he wouldn't know I actually cry over HIM. Cuz pretty much, I don't cry that often.
Even though he doesn't like Crazy Chick, I am all self conscious and shit. What's up with that?
On a somehwhat happier note, he did give me my birthday present last night. It was a HUGE shirt with Bettie Page on it. I love it and it shows that he's thoughtful enough to actually remember some of my interests. But its big enough for him and he's not tiny. So I was joking with him that he thinks I'm fat. He also remembers that the fat issue is my major insecurity.
*NOTE: I am so self-conscious about my weight because my entire life, my parents, who are supposed to love me unconditionally, have always told me I'm fat/chubby/heavy. Lots of emotional scarring from my mom paying me to swim laps, refusing to buy me any clothes that do not resemble a muumuu, overhearing conversations about what they were going to do about me, etc etc etc.
*Again, I'm not trying to have the most depressing journals, but I just so happened to have joined SG in my week of shit. I am generally not so sad trippy.
So my bosses also bought me a shirt. I lovelovelovelovelove it. It's a yellow Strokes tee and they know my obsession with The Strokes. It was a size medium, and my gay boss (translation: does not know how to delicately speak to women about emotional stuff cuz he's used to dealing with men) turns to me and says, "It might be too small for you, so we kept the receipt if you need a size large." Sweet.
Although I usually do wear size large shirts (damn these boobs....oh wait, I love my chest), the medium that they got me fits. So maybe the point of this neverending rant is that if I am a size large, society is really f-ed up. I AM NOT LARGE. There are lots of people larger than me and the sizing of clothing is screwing with MY head. How about the actual large sized people? Psychological and emotional madness.
Well now I need to pry myself away from my new addiction, SG, and do some studying for finals. So I am assuming this week will be better than the last.
And if you're an SG member from LA, there is the possibility of an SG New Year's Eve Party. It will only happen if people are interested, so be interested.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
Sorry you're conscious about your weight but I can tell you that 5'5", 130lbs. is hardly thick. But then again I LOVE women with a generous backyard.