I am a difficult person to shut up. Now that I have one entry more will likely follow regularly. I would have added to last nights entry but I needed to sleep on some things before trying to express them. Well that didn't work if anything it made the problem worse. Fucking dreams!!!!
I have always tried to be a stand up guy, do the right thing because it's the right thing even if it isn't what I want to do. Yeah we do exist, but we are few. However I feel my Paragon status slipping away. Ever since I rejoined the ranks of single men I have let my better nature take a back seat at times, getting involved with situations that I would normally have let go by, or just given a token response to.
Now I find myself at a moral crossroads. Contemplating something that even as short a time ago as six months never would have even crossed my mind. Before my last relationship (it lasted 11 years) I was involved with a woman, it was good for both of us however circumstances got in the way, and we mutually ended the relationship. This was long before social networking so unfortunetly despite trying to remain friends and stay in touch we grew apart.
Well we reconnected on Facebook recently and met face to face for the first time in over a decade, none of the feelings were gone, I felt for her the same way I did before. If it wasn't for the fact that we were in a public place there wouldn't have been anything to stop us though 12 years ago a public place wouldn't have stopped us, age has some disadvantages at times.
The fact that the feelings are mutual is where the moral dilemma comes into play. She is engaged, has a nearly 2 year old son with her fiance, and while sexually frustrated with him and his unwillingness to perform oral on her or recieve oral from her she does care for him, they live together and of course the aforementioned son.
It would not be difficult for me to play on her feelings for me, his inadequacies in pleasing her sexually to turn this to my advantage, our feelings for each other are still very strong, before I knew these other details (she was listed as single on Facebook and no pics of her son) we said as much to each other but time was against us I had to work so there was no follow through that day. Suggestive txt msgs stopping just short of sexting followed. When I found out the rest of the details of her life I surprised myself by not stopping. Even getting more suggestive when I heard how frustrated she was in the bedroom.
I have never acted like this before. The fact that I am should disturb me. I am the nice guy, I'm used to finishing last, and had come to accept that role because the relationships I have with friends and lovers have been pretty deep as a result of this, but this doesn't seem to bother me at all. That I could ruin her life with a man that loves her (even if he won't give her oral), take a son from his father, or more likely split time between mom and dad. All these things would normally have me slamming on the brakes of my conscience and while staying in contact, stomp out any romantic, lustful flame that may still be there.
Why don't I want to? Why doesn't this bother me?
I'm open to suggestions should anyone want to comment.
I have always tried to be a stand up guy, do the right thing because it's the right thing even if it isn't what I want to do. Yeah we do exist, but we are few. However I feel my Paragon status slipping away. Ever since I rejoined the ranks of single men I have let my better nature take a back seat at times, getting involved with situations that I would normally have let go by, or just given a token response to.
Now I find myself at a moral crossroads. Contemplating something that even as short a time ago as six months never would have even crossed my mind. Before my last relationship (it lasted 11 years) I was involved with a woman, it was good for both of us however circumstances got in the way, and we mutually ended the relationship. This was long before social networking so unfortunetly despite trying to remain friends and stay in touch we grew apart.
Well we reconnected on Facebook recently and met face to face for the first time in over a decade, none of the feelings were gone, I felt for her the same way I did before. If it wasn't for the fact that we were in a public place there wouldn't have been anything to stop us though 12 years ago a public place wouldn't have stopped us, age has some disadvantages at times.
The fact that the feelings are mutual is where the moral dilemma comes into play. She is engaged, has a nearly 2 year old son with her fiance, and while sexually frustrated with him and his unwillingness to perform oral on her or recieve oral from her she does care for him, they live together and of course the aforementioned son.
It would not be difficult for me to play on her feelings for me, his inadequacies in pleasing her sexually to turn this to my advantage, our feelings for each other are still very strong, before I knew these other details (she was listed as single on Facebook and no pics of her son) we said as much to each other but time was against us I had to work so there was no follow through that day. Suggestive txt msgs stopping just short of sexting followed. When I found out the rest of the details of her life I surprised myself by not stopping. Even getting more suggestive when I heard how frustrated she was in the bedroom.
I have never acted like this before. The fact that I am should disturb me. I am the nice guy, I'm used to finishing last, and had come to accept that role because the relationships I have with friends and lovers have been pretty deep as a result of this, but this doesn't seem to bother me at all. That I could ruin her life with a man that loves her (even if he won't give her oral), take a son from his father, or more likely split time between mom and dad. All these things would normally have me slamming on the brakes of my conscience and while staying in contact, stomp out any romantic, lustful flame that may still be there.
Why don't I want to? Why doesn't this bother me?
I'm open to suggestions should anyone want to comment.