mediapuzzle

I am finding my work very demanding at the moment. I am 2 weeks into the new
job, the intensity and expectations are very high. I dont have enough time
to do everything I need to do so I only hit the highest priority items. I am
bringing work home with me (mentally) and its disrupting my sleep. This is
not a good scenario. I am back to a using a few affirmations to keep my mind
under control and it takes me a long time to wind down. For example, I didnt
really relax after work yesterday until I had run and swum this morning. I
am expecting once I get my patterns, relationships and routines in order
things will improve. In the meantime I am trying to retain balance in
aspects of my life and disassociate from work when I can.

Back to relationships. I dont think I can say I have ever had a truly
successful one. Probably explains why I am still single. I think it
remarkable that people find compatible partners at physical, intellectual
and aspirational levels. The break up and divorce rate is so high and so
painful that there is merit in avoiding the whole disaster completely. Which
is not to say I am against marriage. I believe the social contract of
marriage is a positive thing but very difficult to succeed in. Certainly
more than I am capable of.

Change of subject. Death. The novel I am reading features a doctor who
subtely hints to patients that if they take enough 'pain medication'
(morphine) there respiratory system will eventually collapse. Its basically
an instruction on how to kill themselves. I like it. The obsession with
prolonging life at any cost to me seems ridiculous. Death holds no fears for
me. I want to live a full life but when its over I am not interested in
delaying the inevitable.