hm. so that does it. i mentioned my feelings to my friends with benefits partner. he insists that he doesn't want a relationship with me because relationships ruin friendships. i have discovered that we are never going to go out and we're never going to be anything more than what we are. i feel crushed. i feel hurt. i've been crying all day and i... Read More
alright, time to get the other major situation off my chest... c&p from my deadjournal account.
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ok, it's time to write in the journal some really long thoughts. i don't feel like typing it out more than once and as always deadjournal is the one linked to my journaling program.
i'm really fucking stressed of late. there are a lot of reasons why. and... Read More
gosh it seems that everyone is going on vacation except for me. that .. sucks. lol. i have work today and tomorrow; am off labor day and the day after (i thought i was going to shoot my set on tuesday). i feel sad! what a bummer. oh well. i may need to take next tuesday off, too.
The good news: I'm still here. And sitting at flying star on juan tabo and montgomery eating for the first time in 2 days. god this had better not make me fat, damnit.
The better news: My monthly visitor is finally here; 3 days or more late. The shoot is delayed because of this stupidity.
The good/bad news: no rotting in the apartment for me.... Read More
i feel really upset tonight. my friend with benefits thing is starting to just feel neglectful to me. he never takes me out on dates, we never do anything special together. we just hang out at his house and have sex. he always goes out with his girlfriend and i always am ending up in second place. i love when we're together and it hurts... Read More
Don't give up just stay postive. I know that you probably hear that all the time. But trust me it works. I have been through hell and back since the day I was born. There were rapes, abuse, and just really bad relationships but I stayed possitive as best as I could. And I ended up with the greatest guy in the world.
I have decided nobody loves me. Not a single e-mail all day. I feel depressed! Haha. Not really. Am on my lunch break, so I thought I should check in and see about updating my journal. I need another weekend so bad.
this is going to be one of my longer posts. i was just feeling thoughtful. those who aren't interested in self-reflection can skip on. more mundane idiocy is sure to follow..
but for those who wish to have a peek inside my head:
Ya, I really need to go out and do something. This ordeal has me so damn depressed. I'm in the same boat, I don't have much cash untill the 1st also. I need to get some sleep tonight. I have been balling my eyes out all night so some sleep would be good. Give me a yell when you want to go out. I need to get out of this house even though I was gone all weekend and had a great time untill all this shit came up yesterday.
work was absolutely shitty. i wonder many times how i manage to get out of bed to go to work, much less make lunch, look hot, and show up with a smile plastered on my face.
but despite it all, it pays the bills and a bit more besides, so i suppose i shouldn't scream and cry too much. i wish it just paid MORE... Read More
I don't believe that there is such a thing as being friends with everybody. Some people just aren't meant to have a friendly nature, once you see what they are like under there facade. Forget about it. She's not worth the trouble.
So I see that your goin for the big spot now huh. Well good luck on that.
