alright, time to get the other major situation off my chest... c&p from my deadjournal account.
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ok, it's time to write in the journal some really long thoughts. i don't feel like typing it out more than once and as always deadjournal is the one linked to my journaling program.
i'm really fucking stressed of late. there are a lot of reasons why. and they're all centered around work. and of course finances.
1. never have the money i think i'm going to have. i don't spend it crazily any more and yet... there's never any money. what the hell?
2. my boss is leaving probably to go to connecticut. it's only a matter of the right $$$ deal to get her to go. i wish i were in this position but i'm not for the foreseeable future.
3. i had been making plans and aligning myself to move forward and WHAMMO things at work, leadership and my networking contacts are all shifting without me and i feel like somehow all my plans are going straight into the toilet.
i feel an unearthly amount of lack of control and am not sure how to take it back. my mind is racing with figuring out where things are going rather than shifting with them and i am terrified, confused, distraught, and feeling remarkably unprepared for these changes.
i really dislike feeling unsettled and unstable and i'll be DAMNED if things are destabilizing and breaking down. i need to settle in and just relax and come at the whole situation from a clearer view point, but i'll be DOUBLE DAMNED if i can't find a way to clear my thoughts out to get a better viewpoint.
it feels like where i was a little over a year ago all over again. am i that resistant to change? am i that unadaptable? maybe that's the real lesson here. i am caught in a flux and cannot see where the cards are going to lay permanently. i can't see where they are going and where the cards are going to land.
i see pieces and bits, but not the whole of it any more. maybe it's just an indication that it's time to play the magician and remember that i have the ability to manipulate the cards as they fall into where i want them to be. i always land on my feet no matter what. and it's just an issue of seeing where the cards are changing to manipulate where they fall and to ensure that they are going into a favorable layout for my purposes.
---
ok, it's time to write in the journal some really long thoughts. i don't feel like typing it out more than once and as always deadjournal is the one linked to my journaling program.
i'm really fucking stressed of late. there are a lot of reasons why. and they're all centered around work. and of course finances.
1. never have the money i think i'm going to have. i don't spend it crazily any more and yet... there's never any money. what the hell?
2. my boss is leaving probably to go to connecticut. it's only a matter of the right $$$ deal to get her to go. i wish i were in this position but i'm not for the foreseeable future.
3. i had been making plans and aligning myself to move forward and WHAMMO things at work, leadership and my networking contacts are all shifting without me and i feel like somehow all my plans are going straight into the toilet.
i feel an unearthly amount of lack of control and am not sure how to take it back. my mind is racing with figuring out where things are going rather than shifting with them and i am terrified, confused, distraught, and feeling remarkably unprepared for these changes.
i really dislike feeling unsettled and unstable and i'll be DAMNED if things are destabilizing and breaking down. i need to settle in and just relax and come at the whole situation from a clearer view point, but i'll be DOUBLE DAMNED if i can't find a way to clear my thoughts out to get a better viewpoint.
it feels like where i was a little over a year ago all over again. am i that resistant to change? am i that unadaptable? maybe that's the real lesson here. i am caught in a flux and cannot see where the cards are going to lay permanently. i can't see where they are going and where the cards are going to land.
i see pieces and bits, but not the whole of it any more. maybe it's just an indication that it's time to play the magician and remember that i have the ability to manipulate the cards as they fall into where i want them to be. i always land on my feet no matter what. and it's just an issue of seeing where the cards are changing to manipulate where they fall and to ensure that they are going into a favorable layout for my purposes.
tiger_fodder:
I like the last paragraph...do it baby!