maxi

What shitty weather, its Soup weather, that's it I'm doing Vacation research today no matter what! someplace Hot, Rash or Not.

So met with My mom last night at the Starbucks, she looked aged, but in good spirits, and straight. I was standoffish and occasionally emotional, I let her know all the things she did I that fuck me up today, and that I am holding them against her today only because she is still damaging herself. she seemed to be on the right track with her meetings and plans to write a book, but I told her its all in being consistent like will she follow through or is this just another temporary band aid, and how she needs to cut the ties to my sister for once and for all. who is poison to anyone whom comes in contact with her. I told her that if I don't see that she is starting to live a productive life I will no longer be in her life. and that I only want positive relationships from here on out. I have no need for the Bullshit anymore. I can't worry of she is killing herself or taking life for granted any longer. she knew I meant business.

then went to get some Pizza, not really into it, Its so Soup weather here,

no real plans for the Holiday Weekend. supposed to be cloudy possible showers and 70's

so I called for my Biopsy results for the rash yesterday and spoke to the front desk person not the DR, but she calls me back and says
" oh its just a little ulceration and crusting" and I'm like so aggravated because it sounds so trivial and minor coming our of her mouth and I Go" Yeah all over my body for over 2 months!" FUCKER!!!!! I didn't say fucker but, so then I say , so your telling me its In conclusive! she says I'll have the Dr call you tomorrow. Whatever! just give me my piece of skin back that you took for nothing! the only thing that they have done good is give me steroids, that are temp taking the rash away, what in GODS name is wrong with me, I feel like locking myself in a padded cell for a month to just see if its Environmental, or within my own body. DO you have any clue what its like to not be comfortable in your own skin for over 2 months! its damn depressing, I can't even go model to make myself feel superficially better due to the fucking constellation all over me, my back feel like I was whipped it has so many scratches and shit on it, to shave my legs around the scabs, is fucking killing me! Christ! I need a new body, I have spent years nourishing my skin and moisturizing, I had the softest nicest skin despite some stretch marks from loss of weight or gain of weight, but it looked nothing or felt nothing like now, now my skin is dry and gross and itchy.

ok enough complaining, now to go nurse this whooping chest cold that sounds like I have been a smoker for 15 years, REAL NICE.
I haven't smoked Pot in like almost 2 weeks due to the chest cold. and I miss Dairy god damn it! but for fear of more mucous I am trying to be good.

ohh I found peaches, they are at home in a brown bag ripening, for the cobbler I plan on making tonight! with Ice cream, FUCK IT!

CRAVING OF THE DAY: soup, maybe more Asian noodle soup.Pho or something

OCDF:80%