maxi

Sorry I have been M I A for a little bit, between work going through its Name change and crap its been hectic. I read all of your comments very carefully, some of them actually got me a little misty. this is such a hard time for me, I get seasonal Depression where I feel like crap about myself also adding to my unsettled stomach is, I Love Ant but part of me keeps trying to dissect if we can really make it work, like can I truly love him for who he is. and if I can't, can I deal with breaking both of our hearts because of my non acceptance? and will I be able to survive my own heartbreak. I know I have gotten through tougher issues in my life than this, but no one has ever gotten this close to me. we are so emotionally connected that I think we both fear losing each other as if neither one of would be able to survive with out the other, I know that sounds like Co dependency or something but its not. I just need to decide if I can accept him for him and stop trying to change him. and if I can't accept all of him completely then I need to try to somehow get the strength to part ways. and while I am trying to decide that it's interfering with being able to feel completely happy and relaxed. I feel like I am being forced to leave and i REALLY don't want to. , Not sure what is Worse To be alone or to be in love and be miserable!

on a diff note: got my hair done, cut and re dyed dark purple, I went in either thinking ok I'm just getting layers and I will keep it long or try to grow it long again, then on a whim I decided to have them gut it in a Short Bob like cut. I will have pix next week. also got some pix at the salon as well.

saw that movie Riding Giants, a surf documentary, it was a really great doc. also saw Wicker Park, and I give that movie 4 stars, great soundtrack too. very romantic yet disturbing.

I have no Sets in Queue but the good news is I found out a photographer friend of mine is on here and just shot Mandarins set last week and we have agreed he will shoot my 3rd set soon. he is the one who shot this pix, everyone say hello to lightdesigner he is a really nice guy with a grewat brit accent to boot.

todays craving is Cream of wheat with butter , salt and warm milk poured on top! and it comes tonight with my internet grocery delivery!