As much support as i feel here, i think i need to take a break because i feel guilty using this Journal as a whining board, so this may be my last whine for a little bit till i feel somewhat normal again. Things got bad, I go from feeling numb to blubbering hysterically often through out the day. I feel and am physically alone. Because i learned to be alone a lot in my childhood i absolutely repel being alone, perhaps that is why i am a serial relationshipist, (ok my own word).
After some air was cleared after he left me, I thought we might be able to mend things. I even was in a good mood as of yesterday, we agreed to work on us and apply for a loft together, since time is of the essence right now to get out of my current address. No it's not the best time to rush into a new place together but sometimes things just happened that way.
As of last night I accepted whom he was and is, and whom i am, and not matter if we go to the couples counseling that i suggested to learn to communicate better or understand the way we are.
it can change the way we think and speak, but not how we feel.
We can accept eachohter for who we are, but we can not control or change how that makes us feel or how we react to each others actions because of who we are. Love is sadly not a factor anymore. and Love is not enough and will not prevail in this case. Hence i feel hopeless and empty today with this knowledge. there is no sensible compromise here. and as much as i want to just say I understand you , my inner voice is saying " I knew the big picture was heading this way and was inevitable to take this course the very first time I sat and told him there was a problem with no solution"
Being right , right now is not comforting.
I know people are saying just leave this person in the dust already, but it is not so easy when you are so deep routed with your every being to a person on such an emotional level. and there is just this one brick in the wall that is standing between you and happiness and to take it out would crumble the whole wall anyway.
After some air was cleared after he left me, I thought we might be able to mend things. I even was in a good mood as of yesterday, we agreed to work on us and apply for a loft together, since time is of the essence right now to get out of my current address. No it's not the best time to rush into a new place together but sometimes things just happened that way.
As of last night I accepted whom he was and is, and whom i am, and not matter if we go to the couples counseling that i suggested to learn to communicate better or understand the way we are.
it can change the way we think and speak, but not how we feel.
We can accept eachohter for who we are, but we can not control or change how that makes us feel or how we react to each others actions because of who we are. Love is sadly not a factor anymore. and Love is not enough and will not prevail in this case. Hence i feel hopeless and empty today with this knowledge. there is no sensible compromise here. and as much as i want to just say I understand you , my inner voice is saying " I knew the big picture was heading this way and was inevitable to take this course the very first time I sat and told him there was a problem with no solution"
Being right , right now is not comforting.
I know people are saying just leave this person in the dust already, but it is not so easy when you are so deep routed with your every being to a person on such an emotional level. and there is just this one brick in the wall that is standing between you and happiness and to take it out would crumble the whole wall anyway.
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Anthony Mucci.
Time to make more cheesecake......