mary

another windy day, the way the curtains billow ferociously makes me want to hollar "ahoy" and squint into the distant horizon.
all is resolved between my friend and I, it took very little actually for both of us to break down and say we felt aweful about the whole stupid thing.
a strange thing happened this week. i received an unexpected phonecall from an old flame who i havent heard from in at least four years. it was wonderful to hear from him but i was jostled awake from a nap by the phone, and even when you arent groggy and confused that is a situation where your tongue is a bit tied. so i feel rathar like i fumbled through that conversation, which was made all the more poignant by the memory that he was always one to have his wits about him. ah well.
the point of relaying that story was that it inspired me to go through some old journals that were whispering from the dark corner of my closet. in doing so i rediscovered lots of things id written that had been forgotten, some of which were absolutely pathetic, some sad, some insane, some naive, some disturbingly wise, some that i was a wee proud of, and some that are fkn hilarious, and it is one of those weird funny ones that id like to partially share with you.
in my life ive gone through different phases with both my art and my writing. there are times i write everyday and others once a month. this entry was written during a manic phase where i was writing all the time, on buses, in stores, at work on the back of sales receipts.
also, i happen to be the sort of person who visualises EVERYTHING, and often even when im dead sober and sitting around the house if i close my eyes i will experience a short animation film that makes no sense but can make me laugh out loud. so, when i listen to music i tend to create an entire little movie in my head for every song, starring me, but im not always "me" sometimes im a banana or tree with a gimpy leg (HA, all you kids who've asked me about my comics or my graphic novel project are getting a bit of a clue here...) anyway, back in the fall of 1999 i wrote this about some album i was listening to. for each song that came on i wrote a short paragragh describing the scene that created itself in my head. i think its funny as hell, reading it now............

I AM A COLORFUL TOY SOLDIER BEING LED DOWN SMOOTH COBBLESTONE ALLEYWAYS, FOLLOWING AN UGLY PLUMP FAIRY WHO KEEPS TURNING TO CHECK IF IM STILL THERE.
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I AM A SEEDY, SHAPELY THING IN VELVET HEELS SWAYING MY HIPS AS I CREEP ACROSS THE COCKTAIL BAR, WHILE ALL THE DIRTY POETS WATCH ME, WEARING TURBANS AND SMOKING LONG CIGARS.
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I AM IN A HUGE THICK DRESS AND THE LIGHT IS ALL PASTELS, AND I STUMBLE AND SLAM INTO A ROCK AND MY BIG DRESS TEARS AND MY LEG IS BLEEDING.
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I AM A RUBBER CARTOON CHARACTER BOUNCING ON A WARM WAD OF CHEWING GUM AND IM GRASPING AT THE AIR TO TRY TO LIFT MYSELF, UNSTICK MYSELF, BUT AGAIN AND AGAIN THE AIR JUST LAUGHS.
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A PREHISTORIC CAVE AROUND ME WHILE ASKING MYSELF...WHY { my personal favorite..haha}
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A GUY IN A GREEN FULL-BODY MASK IS SLINKING THROUGH THE ALLEY WHERE I AM PRACTICING MY POSTURE AGAINST A GARBAGE CAN AND THEN A GUY IN A YELLOW TUXEDO APPEARS, SMILING WAY TOO BIG.
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I AM OPERATING A CLAYMATION TRAIN WHICH GOES ROUND IN GREAT CIRCLES AND WAVES AT THE MANY COMMUNITIES IT PASSES, AND THEN DANCES VERTICAL ON MOUNTAINTOPS AND SMOKES CIGARETTES. IT IS TOO BUSY TO WAVE NOW.
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I AM DRINKING CHAMPAIGNE IN A MAYONAISE -COLORED OVAL ROOM WITH GLITTERY JACKETS AND HAIRDOS BELONGING TO PEOPLE WHO PLAY CARDGAMES AND SOCIALISE ACCORDING TO PRIORITISED LISTS AND DO THEIR FINGERNAILS RED.
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thers more but it goes on for a few pages and i dont want to copy it all right now. heh, so, yep. thats what i do for fun. sometimes.