Hello, @missy, @lyxzen, @rambo and SG world!
This week's blog asked us to talk about our best friend... but the truth is that I don't have one, and thinking a bit about that, it started to bring back memories and I felt like sharing it with you all. (It will be long)
I never really had a group of friends ( I mean the BFF style) since... well, since I can remember. In fact one of the things I remember the most of my childhood is how much I used to suffer for not being accepted in the group of girls in my classroom. I'm from a small town, I studied in a small school and there were only 6 girls in my classroom. Three of them formed the group of cute, pretty, funny girls that me and the other two girls wanted to be a part of, and I just couldn't get along with those two so I just ended up being best friends with my teacher or just having my snack alone.
Yep, I was the weird girl nobody wanted to be friends with, the perfect cliché... but this is not about self pitty, although I sometimes do that, it's just the way things are, kids are difficult little creatures and I was one too.
After a few years a bunch of new students came to my school and whoopy there were my new friends! But just for a while, though. What I thought that was a true friendship ended from day to night when I kissed a boy in front of my ex, who was friends with those friends of mine... Ok, I might've been a bitch. But I can only imagine a best friend would tell you "you're such a bitch" and keep laughing with you... Well I had to go away from the party I was at, because his friends AND. MY. FRIENDS. wanted to freakin beat me lol wtf seriously (and I mean not just the guys but the girls also wanted to beat the crap out of me because I made some stupid asshole cry in the bathroom, I mean wtf????)
Okay, I found some other group of friends who were really nice to me when that happened. I never had much in common with them, there was nobody who shared my tastes in music, my love for kitties, my style... I could get along with them but I was just never really being 100% myself. Anyway I stuck with them for a long time, in a small town you don't choose your friends with much criteria, and they were good to me afterall. Here's a picture I love of us:
Unfortunatelly this fell apart for me a couple of years ago. Something really bad happened to me and a few of these girls instead of helping me and supporting me were only putting me down. I don't really like to talk about it because it's still painfull for me to bring back those memories. Of course a few of them stood by my side and helped me through it, but after everything I just couldn't go out with them anymore. I couldn't be friends with a few of them without being close to those who hurt me, so I jsut pushed myself away from everyone. Looking at this picture really breaks my heart, because I got depressive and relly disappeared on all of them, even the ones who were good to me, and today I wouldn't know how to talk to them, if I should apologize, or if I should just never talk to them again and just forget it... It's all still really confusing.
But behind all of that friendships life story there is the most important person of all: my cousin. My dear cousin, she lived in another town but when I was with her I had that feeling that I was whole. We did so many things together, from painting ourselves with ink for painting walls and getting grounded, scaping home to sell our brecelets to raise funds to a pet's charity... to going to gigs and parties and getting drunk by the beach together...
I'm still not really sure what happened, some family missunderstanding... she suddenly got really angry at me and said some bad shit to me and to my mom, made up stories saying we had a fight but we didn't, it got so confusing I don't even know where it started. I only know that now, more than 3 years later we still don't speak to eachother. And here I am again feeling nostalgic and sad to look at a few pictures.
So... Nowadays I don't go out very much because I don't have many friends close to me. But two things that happened in my life gave me friends that I love with all my heart.
One of them was my year abroad. I made friends from all over the world. It's hard to stay in touch with people across the world, and I particularly suck at it, but I know that some of them are frindships that will be forever. We are planning to have a reunion with our group of brazilians this july, I really hope it works out!
My brazilian group: we were a bunch of students from Brazil who were crazy enough to go alone to spend a year abroad, and that was all that we had in common, enough to build a bond for life
The second thing... well it was Suicide Girls! Thanks to this community I finally fell into a place where I feel like I belong! I am finally surrounded by people that are A LOT LIKE ME! I will never forget the day I met my babe @kasha and how she took me in without questioning. She took me in to her SG parties where I met a bunch of other girls like me, she took me in to her house where I met my babe @luciana, and their cats, and their boyfriends... they took me in as their friend and I'll be forever ever ever gratefull for that because I was in some kind of hole, and their love was one thing that made and keeps making me want to crawl back out of it. Thank you, girls.
@luciana
@kasha and @danivalenttia