marquisdesad

samsara. if only darkness were enough.

i've been convincing myself that i wasn't a terrible person. i was only culpable of committing terrible deeds. for a while this rationale gave me an excuse to do whatever i wanted without concern for consequences and, more importantly, people's well being. in fact i made a point of telling those i encounter of my utter recklessness and if they didn't heed such warnings, well,...
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i bought some stainless steel roses today. great name. great fragrance. they seem to be comfortable in the vase other than the fact that they want to belong to someone. but maybe, just maybe, they are happy the way they are.

i re-read the city and the pillar, one of vidal's lesser known books. give it a read if you're still coming of age.

how do you counter-stalk a stalker? how do you instill the same sort of fear, paranoia in them? or do you welcome their advances? invite them?

a bird flew into my house and was drawn to a window in the bathroom. as a buddhist i thought not to kill it. to get a hold of it and release it, for fear of having my karrma demoted any more so than usual. but what if the fate of the bird was death that day? since it will see another day, i suppose...
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i was banned from an online site today, a cambodian site. i likened the staff to khmer rouge henchmen who were now turning on each other. i also indirectly called the bmoc hun sen. seems ppl are a wee bit sensitive these days.

how would you respond to the following plea? "i feel really down right now. i would like to talk to you. i can't. you are so good at being cold and distant." would you a) succumb to your so-called conscience; b) shrivel in guilt; c) give yourself a lashing for each word in the message; d) relish in the idea that your torments are now...
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i told someone that i've killed people. i told this person that i am putting them out of their misery. to which the person rebutted, "some people love to live in misery. all they want is to continue living as such." to which i countered, "then why do they have a smile on their face after they are dead?" "but you have no right to...
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when driving to oblivion, do you pick up hitchikers?

today was a good day, relatively speaking. i met hope today and she smiled at me. and then she left.