mamabunny

Sometimes i cant not think about you
How i miss my baby
Its so miserably
wonderfully hot here
Sometimes i ache so much
i feel it so intensely; this distance
i feel it burning my face
shocked to standstill
wishing i could run outside myself
and find you
tinkering with some unamed gadge i would hate
My sister always did this
wrote about little pastimes
to people she would never speak face to face with again
im not sure if it ever helped her
im not sure if it will ever make you go away
like digging this deep and bringing myself closer
fuck. i ddont know
i want to get up
and turn off
RIGHT NOW

You know how
you can think of a person in your life
and certain words are attached to that person
it inspires words and phrases
and feelings
passion is that
its like i can think it
and really feel that word
and that is your word

I wonder how long that will be yours
ive wondered the past many lonely days
And although the frequency of the word has changed
it still comes
and goes and comes
God, i feel like such an idiot. why i think and feel these
stupid things.
You were never there
you never REALLY were.
and i know this
i fucking know this
We are awful people together
look at us now
opposite ends of the world
paths finally split from one
And i wonder if that picture is still there
in that old dirty wallet of yours
I loved that picture
Galveston wasnt it lovely
that dress, a bit tacky
and those silly sunglasses i would wear
even after dark
chainsmoking
not that you would know all this from looking
at the picture.
I wrote something on the back
and for godsake i cannot remember what
it was so long ago
surely something tactful and melodramatic
And that is precisely it-
I hope when you do think of me
you remember all my sillies
my tantrums
my material obsessions
my love of things i cannot for the life of me
capture forever in little boxes
and pictures
and just fucking laugh
i have good memories
you have good memories

A caramel candy sure sounds tasty right now
fuck this bullshit
and fuck you
im going to eat some candy now.