malenka

This was an excellent weekend. I'm worn out now. All kinds of parties and family stuff and Zombies on South Street.

I've gotten myself involved with a new guy. I keep saying I'm taking a break, not looking for anyone, and I'm staying away from the boys. But here I go getting a crush on this guy. It's weird... I didn't admit it to myself "out loud" but I subconsciously knew I was interested in him. At the party on Saturday, I ran into an old friend Lisa. She knows the guy from high school. I was sitting next to the guy and while he was turned the other way talking Fight Club with Elaine, Lisa pointed at me and him and mouthed the words, "are you lovers?" I shook my head and said no, but I'm sure I blushed and perhaps it was obvious, so I turned the headshake into a shrug and I think at that point I was admitting to myself that I might be into him after all. It was near 5am before we ended up kissing on the couch in front of everyone... which is kind of embarassing and tacky, but that's what beer does sometimes.

This is stressful though. I don't want to get involved with anyone new. I've been burned too many times and now I am scared of fire. I don't think I can back away though. I'm addicted to the warmth.

The other thing is, I don't know what he thinks of me. I'm often the subject of jokes with my friends which sometimes make me look worse than I am, and I'm not sure what he believes. Somehow I think he knows what's up, though. Ah, I dunno.

Hehe... last night they played "Maneater" at one of the bars. "Whooaaooh, here she comes. Watch out boy, she'll chew you up!" When I was a kid, I thought it was about a tiger. TheLastBoss thought it was about a black cat. Once upon a time, a girl named Bianca told people to watch out for me because I was a maneater. I don't think that's true. Her opinion was biased and unfair. I think it's wrong to spread rumors about a person you don't know.

So I think now I have to call this guy and man, it's gonna be awkward. I'm kind of nervous. I'm not sure what will happen. I've only known him a few weeks.

I keep looking at myself and thinking, "You're concerned about him? He's just a guy, you don't need another guy right now," and I think maybe I should just run away and pretend I never liked him much. Maybe that's why I'm a maneater. I run away rather than get too involved.

oh and one more thing: why do i like the guy? cuz he knows what to do with nipples. that's so rare that i almost forgot they work.

also: now accepting friends requests. within reason.