ugh. i'm drunk and all alone. no one loves me cept my cat. i don't understand how all this happened. life would be so much better if angela hadn't come into the picture. things were good. i had chris as my friend +1. Dan was fun. things were good. then she comes along and fucks it all up. she does it all the time. i don't understand karma. how i can be such a good person. how i can be such a great friend to everyone, and i get screwed. it's been forever! when do i get MY good karma? why doesn't he call me? he was so worried about jessica not answering his calls or talking to him about shit, and he won't talk to me about shit. won't let me give an explanation. even though i didn't really do anything. especially not in comparison to what she's done. i deserve more than this. maybe he's busy. he is in louisiana doing army shit. but i know dan had time to call angela. to answer my texts. so i know he has time. it's been about 11 days. miss him. i don't have friends here. i'm lonely. i looked forward to his calls every day, because he made me laugh. i'm sorry if i got mad that he didn't call that night. i'm sorry i got mad that he was sleeping with another girl and hid it from me. i know he wanted something more from her. because obviously he's shown me that he cared more about losing her than losing me.
i'm sad. it's not fair. and andy can't talk to me.
i'm sad. it's not fair. and andy can't talk to me.
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I am sorry he's being a jerk, and Angela came along. Karma's a funny thing. Sometimes it puts you through huge trials because a bigger payoff is coming around the corner. And sometimes it just tests you for no apparent reason. Hang on to the fact that you are a good person. Sometimes people lose sight of good things (and people) when they are not secure with themselves and where they are in life. He can't see that what he is doing to you is the same thing that was done to him, and how much he hated it. He may or may not come back around to you. But if he does, you have to decide how worth it it is to you to accept him back and risk the eventual hurt again, or to cut him loose and stand firm. Tough call. I've had this happen more times than I can remember, and I've lost a lot of friends over this, and it really hurt at the time when I refused to deal with them again and be the driving force in the relationship (it needs to be two-way after all), but now I don't miss them, have moved on, and have new friends who are as dedicated to me as I am to them.
That being said, I've also seriously lowered my expectations from my friends. I used to expect lots from my friends and they were always going to end up, eventually, coming up short. I finally faced it that I was just asking too much from them and am happier now for it. I'm not saying that this is the case for you, I'm just...pontificating.
Hang in there and do the things that will make you the happiest in the long-run, even if it tears you heart out right now, in the short-run.
Take care. Hugs and loves. And remember you are a fabulous person.