Life. It sucks. All I have is work, and now I have the weekend off for nothing, my bad for thinking that if I make plans they will actually work out. What do the powers that be have against me? I need to get the fuck out of this town. When I'm not at work, I'm sitting on my ass at home. It's a lot like before. And if it keeps going that way, I'll end up just where I was. Practically cold in the ground. I didn't have much of a choice but to move here. But I can't go away this weekend, and it seems more like I'm not wanted than the issue of I can't.
Which brings me to a whole different subject, of being wanted. Why don't I deserve it? Not like I can just change how I feel, but when am I going to have those feelings reciprocated? I really think there was something I did in a past life that makes it impossible for me to be happy. I was thinking yesterday, I wonder what it is like to be happy without drugs. I don't know. I never have. And drugs don't fix everything. Maybe it's just pms. I'm just feeling really lonely and unloved again. The only thing I have to look forward to is work. Or when one of the vendors flirts with me. Always makes me feel a little better to get a compliment once in awhile.
So maybe I'll break down and get a new tat this weekend. It's always good to feel the pain when I'm down. And this is down, really down. I cried for the first time in a very long time today. Last time was when my ex called. I was really looking forward to this weekend. Now all i have to look forward to is going back to work on Monday.
Life sucks.
I love Amy Lee.
Which brings me to a whole different subject, of being wanted. Why don't I deserve it? Not like I can just change how I feel, but when am I going to have those feelings reciprocated? I really think there was something I did in a past life that makes it impossible for me to be happy. I was thinking yesterday, I wonder what it is like to be happy without drugs. I don't know. I never have. And drugs don't fix everything. Maybe it's just pms. I'm just feeling really lonely and unloved again. The only thing I have to look forward to is work. Or when one of the vendors flirts with me. Always makes me feel a little better to get a compliment once in awhile.
So maybe I'll break down and get a new tat this weekend. It's always good to feel the pain when I'm down. And this is down, really down. I cried for the first time in a very long time today. Last time was when my ex called. I was really looking forward to this weekend. Now all i have to look forward to is going back to work on Monday.
Life sucks.
I love Amy Lee.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
i hope your day is going well
C
The best advice I can give (though itmay or may not be helpful) is to try and focus on something small. Look at smaller bites rather than the big picture. It's the only way I ever manage to gain any momentum. I hope it helps