madison

sorry guys...
that last entry was not written by me but the vulgar members of slutbox.

but for the shits and giggles of it here's one of mine.

Reason 4:15 (mid 2003)
hours of silent nights
listening to the muted visions in my mind
hours of dubbed memories playing-just in spite
awake with the bed bugs pinching and tickling-bite after bite
and only at those very seconds right when you find...
the comfort zone on the closet floor
and you've stopped thinking what you thought for,
you've stopped trying to fall asleep before...
the alarm wakes you up wishing you had hours more,
of that silence-
those short seconds
paused between long hours of rambling
remembering
thoughtless insanity
constantly contradicting me
adding doubt to what i see
starring at guilt of what's to be
and i just want to sleep.....
...........
numb and resting
forgetting
to even dream
forgetting
to even think
just want to fall asleep........
............
and sleep.

ever have those nights where you lay there like a zombie....trying to swear that you are tired... that there are things that you must have energy for tomorrow...and as you pressure to relax......

i need to do another shoot...i want it to be awesome....which outfit with what hair...the background...when....where....who will shoot me?

i need to get another job...i want to like it....i want good pay...something fun where i would like to stay....i need to look....when....which way....who would accept me?

maybe i should do more modeling....
maybe i should get a tan....
i miss nacho cheese doritos....
i feel like getting synthetic dreads again....
growing out process of hair is miserable...
i wish i could move.....
but where?
i wonder if i could ever publish a book?
are you really listening to yourself?
weren't you just trying to sleep?
GO TO BED!!!!
will someone shoot me?

pay no attention to the girl diddling on her computer........

she is of no importance to you!!!!