JOURNAL:
It is amazing the silly things we do and, when we do give in to actually doing our silly thing, how much it helps.
Anyone confused?
I told myself not to look at my ex's shop this morning (it is across the street from my house) and so I did not. I had to back track and drive down the main drag right by it, I told myself not to look. So I did not. And I feel much better this morning, even though I still know what it looks like, my memory has not had a chance to refresh. And the fade it has taken from just one day is making my morning pain just that much less.
I know that it sounds like a drama queen agonizing over her break up. And I am, so sorry about that. But I am also ready to let go and I am really happy that the move is impending. It will be much better for me to just get out of town for awhile. I am still hesitant about the "no drugs" under my stepdad's roof. I am going to do it, but that does not mean I will not have my pipe and stash in the car. I am pathetic, but I do not think I can go cold turkey. I might though, who knows...? It has happened...
I am also done with pretty much everything else. I will be an alcoholic at the new place, but I want the other things to just go on the backburner and, eventually, forget about them. I am so tired of my vices. I need to become a nympho for awhile...
Last night, I hung out with my friend who lives around the corner from me. He and I hang out and smoke bowls together - fun stuff. I fully came over at 7 pm and then just chilled til 11 pm. My poor friend, he was so nice to me, even walked me home. He saw I was hurting, and just did not want to be home... I also was really attracted to him and wanted to jump his bones even though he has a girlfriend and all - but I resisted and just smoked myself unconscious for awhile. I am a dork.
I AM SO READY TO GET LAID. NOT THAT I AM GOING TO INDULGE, BUT I FEEL THE ITCH NEEDING IT'S SCRATCH, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN GENTLEMEN?
Maybe this weekend. I left a note for my roomie to leave me $200 by friday so I can pay my bills and since he did not get me the $100 from last week he promised, I wanted it now as well as another $100. That would bring him to $400 total paid back, and that leaves him still with $50 to pay not including June's bills. I should get that together today and see what I shelled out again. I am so scared he is going to take off and I will have no money. He wants to take over the whole apartment. All I want to say is "dude, if you cannot even pay your rent on time and you are not paying me back right away, how are you going to afford an apartment that is double your rent now?". But I cannot say that, and I have no right. I just want to have the cash I am owed so all my bills can be taken care of and I can go to Vegas this weekend to see my friend Kris at his place. I get to see his band play! He is so cute...
Here is the deal with him: I have known Kris since high school and he and I were the biggest flirts known to man - and we also had a pretty intense experience between us which he still thanks me for. He is fully approaching it like an infatuation and I really want to see... if there is worship there (which it seems there is) I might fall into the trap. I have wanted to hook up with him for awhile but it is really just a chance situation. We will have to see.
I am also meeting someone from this site for drinks tonight. The Snake Pit, around 9pm. Anyone else want to show up? It is up to you to know who I am, I do not have pics of you! I am going to just have a few drinks and have a good time. Right? That is what thursday nights are for.
I am at a point where I just want a really hot guy to sweep me off my feet and have amazing sex with me. Simply, that is what I want. I want him to be enamored with me and vice versa. One hot moment leading to another, and just satisfying sex. Ah. :sigh: I think I might go releave myself now. Again. :sigh:
I sad. I want hottie to be in my life for awhile, at least until I leave Venice. Just to give me someone to do. :sigh: And sadly, a guy is the focus, as much as I love women. Sorry ladies. But I am down to meet for drinks anyway...
Lesson #24 - Out of Sight, Out of Mind (Almost).
Almost, not quite. But I am still going to keep trying...
Mahalo lovers,
~the angel*
It is amazing the silly things we do and, when we do give in to actually doing our silly thing, how much it helps.
Anyone confused?
I told myself not to look at my ex's shop this morning (it is across the street from my house) and so I did not. I had to back track and drive down the main drag right by it, I told myself not to look. So I did not. And I feel much better this morning, even though I still know what it looks like, my memory has not had a chance to refresh. And the fade it has taken from just one day is making my morning pain just that much less.
I know that it sounds like a drama queen agonizing over her break up. And I am, so sorry about that. But I am also ready to let go and I am really happy that the move is impending. It will be much better for me to just get out of town for awhile. I am still hesitant about the "no drugs" under my stepdad's roof. I am going to do it, but that does not mean I will not have my pipe and stash in the car. I am pathetic, but I do not think I can go cold turkey. I might though, who knows...? It has happened...
I am also done with pretty much everything else. I will be an alcoholic at the new place, but I want the other things to just go on the backburner and, eventually, forget about them. I am so tired of my vices. I need to become a nympho for awhile...
Last night, I hung out with my friend who lives around the corner from me. He and I hang out and smoke bowls together - fun stuff. I fully came over at 7 pm and then just chilled til 11 pm. My poor friend, he was so nice to me, even walked me home. He saw I was hurting, and just did not want to be home... I also was really attracted to him and wanted to jump his bones even though he has a girlfriend and all - but I resisted and just smoked myself unconscious for awhile. I am a dork.
I AM SO READY TO GET LAID. NOT THAT I AM GOING TO INDULGE, BUT I FEEL THE ITCH NEEDING IT'S SCRATCH, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN GENTLEMEN?
Maybe this weekend. I left a note for my roomie to leave me $200 by friday so I can pay my bills and since he did not get me the $100 from last week he promised, I wanted it now as well as another $100. That would bring him to $400 total paid back, and that leaves him still with $50 to pay not including June's bills. I should get that together today and see what I shelled out again. I am so scared he is going to take off and I will have no money. He wants to take over the whole apartment. All I want to say is "dude, if you cannot even pay your rent on time and you are not paying me back right away, how are you going to afford an apartment that is double your rent now?". But I cannot say that, and I have no right. I just want to have the cash I am owed so all my bills can be taken care of and I can go to Vegas this weekend to see my friend Kris at his place. I get to see his band play! He is so cute...
Here is the deal with him: I have known Kris since high school and he and I were the biggest flirts known to man - and we also had a pretty intense experience between us which he still thanks me for. He is fully approaching it like an infatuation and I really want to see... if there is worship there (which it seems there is) I might fall into the trap. I have wanted to hook up with him for awhile but it is really just a chance situation. We will have to see.
I am also meeting someone from this site for drinks tonight. The Snake Pit, around 9pm. Anyone else want to show up? It is up to you to know who I am, I do not have pics of you! I am going to just have a few drinks and have a good time. Right? That is what thursday nights are for.
I am at a point where I just want a really hot guy to sweep me off my feet and have amazing sex with me. Simply, that is what I want. I want him to be enamored with me and vice versa. One hot moment leading to another, and just satisfying sex. Ah. :sigh: I think I might go releave myself now. Again. :sigh:
I sad. I want hottie to be in my life for awhile, at least until I leave Venice. Just to give me someone to do. :sigh: And sadly, a guy is the focus, as much as I love women. Sorry ladies. But I am down to meet for drinks anyway...
Lesson #24 - Out of Sight, Out of Mind (Almost).
Almost, not quite. But I am still going to keep trying...
Mahalo lovers,
~the angel*
VIEW 21 of 21 COMMENTS
frylock:
Just to let you know, everyone else on this site has herpes but me.
wurly:
when are you leaving venice?