JOURNAL:
Here is a nice little quandry....
I get a phone call today on my phone at work and, of course, being in Malibu, there is no reception, so I have to call them back... it is the ex. He was just calling because he was chilling on his day off and wanted to know if I was a) at work (dumb ass, I work every day) and b) when he could see me. He just wanted to get together, cuddle so he could bitch about work, and then bump uglies. Have you ever noticed how much that phrase is just so wrong... but so right? Just a segway (sp)...
I personally have my own plans today. There is waxing the coochi this afternoon, then a nice long yoga class to take before I become home bound study girl. Now, I might have to rearrange and, since the bosses are out of the office today for the duration of the business day, I might be able to do my journal/homework stuff for class today at work. In fact, that is what I am going to do, once my desk looks like I actually worked through the end of the day.
Anyway, just interesting how I show little interest and I get one of those phone calls.... Oh well, whatever.
Last night was interesting. I was home watching the last LotR movie (cuz I hadn't seen it) and Paycheck (Prince Charming's film, he even does a commentary!) and the ex comes by to borrow my car. Fine, whatevs. He brings it back like around 12:30, and he seems a little different to me. I cant put my finger on it... and then I realize what it is. When we first started dating a little over a year and a half ago, we were both drug users. I had my devils dust and he had his choice, which I didnt know about until a few months into it. I was not happy with it and told him to stop becuase it was getting out of hand and when someone says "I can handle it" you know there is a problem. Last night I asked what was going on cuz he had people partying at his place at 1 am. He asked if I was partying again (aka the angel* quit devils dust about two months ago) and I said no. He said that is what they were up to and that he didnt invite me becuase I would feel pressured. Fine. SO I asked if he was. He said he had reached his 6 month mark. Hmmm... great.
That is really wonderful. That is great, nice example for me. He was the one encouraging me to stay in CA etc. and now what?
I should not get all bent out of shape about it, I have not been too straight lately either (and really it is none of my business). I have partied a bit twice in the last few months. But I don't crave it anymore, not like the fiend I used to be. It is just a matter of opinion I guess because my drug of choice leaves your system in 3 days whereas his takes three days to even sleep so..... yeah.
So I guess where I am at is: do I shove it in his face/fuck with him by making a point to either use or make it seem like I am using with him around OR should I just kick it and let be his problem? I just don't like to be with the person he is when he is high on his stuff. So just don't hang around him when he is using? Argh! Tough choice.
Anyway, I am going to go, it is later than I like and I gots to do tons of work so I can chill out later.
No lesson today class, I am figuring it out currently so I can spill my pearls of wisdom another day.... love ya!
mahalo lovers,
~the angel*
Here is a nice little quandry....
I get a phone call today on my phone at work and, of course, being in Malibu, there is no reception, so I have to call them back... it is the ex. He was just calling because he was chilling on his day off and wanted to know if I was a) at work (dumb ass, I work every day) and b) when he could see me. He just wanted to get together, cuddle so he could bitch about work, and then bump uglies. Have you ever noticed how much that phrase is just so wrong... but so right? Just a segway (sp)...
I personally have my own plans today. There is waxing the coochi this afternoon, then a nice long yoga class to take before I become home bound study girl. Now, I might have to rearrange and, since the bosses are out of the office today for the duration of the business day, I might be able to do my journal/homework stuff for class today at work. In fact, that is what I am going to do, once my desk looks like I actually worked through the end of the day.
Anyway, just interesting how I show little interest and I get one of those phone calls.... Oh well, whatever.
Last night was interesting. I was home watching the last LotR movie (cuz I hadn't seen it) and Paycheck (Prince Charming's film, he even does a commentary!) and the ex comes by to borrow my car. Fine, whatevs. He brings it back like around 12:30, and he seems a little different to me. I cant put my finger on it... and then I realize what it is. When we first started dating a little over a year and a half ago, we were both drug users. I had my devils dust and he had his choice, which I didnt know about until a few months into it. I was not happy with it and told him to stop becuase it was getting out of hand and when someone says "I can handle it" you know there is a problem. Last night I asked what was going on cuz he had people partying at his place at 1 am. He asked if I was partying again (aka the angel* quit devils dust about two months ago) and I said no. He said that is what they were up to and that he didnt invite me becuase I would feel pressured. Fine. SO I asked if he was. He said he had reached his 6 month mark. Hmmm... great.
That is really wonderful. That is great, nice example for me. He was the one encouraging me to stay in CA etc. and now what?
I should not get all bent out of shape about it, I have not been too straight lately either (and really it is none of my business). I have partied a bit twice in the last few months. But I don't crave it anymore, not like the fiend I used to be. It is just a matter of opinion I guess because my drug of choice leaves your system in 3 days whereas his takes three days to even sleep so..... yeah.
So I guess where I am at is: do I shove it in his face/fuck with him by making a point to either use or make it seem like I am using with him around OR should I just kick it and let be his problem? I just don't like to be with the person he is when he is high on his stuff. So just don't hang around him when he is using? Argh! Tough choice.
Anyway, I am going to go, it is later than I like and I gots to do tons of work so I can chill out later.
No lesson today class, I am figuring it out currently so I can spill my pearls of wisdom another day.... love ya!
mahalo lovers,
~the angel*
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
I would stay clear of the Hard stuff and your ex