A friend of mine (very attractive female) once told me that she willingly dated (more like just slept with) that one guy at the office that gloated about having slept around with all the other girls.. having heard what he was like from those co-workers. I didn't know what to say and I still don't because I never judged her. My non response didn't go over well with her but I think she understood I wasn't judging her. That's just the game. She never saw herself as a victim. BUT that guy.. what should I think of him? Going through all these women serially, who knew each other and have all kinds of stories to share with each other.. It doesn't compute. Maybe he wasn't actually violent or forceful with any of them. I don't know.
"Though I am shocked and disgusted by the scope of his alleged predation, the fact that he may have abused his position of power does not surprise me in the least." -Mayim Bialik from the NY Times piece. It's a joke about the industry that's never been funny because it is true.
That's Hollywood. There are so many stories about abusers that start off being charmers (if that) and end up doing horrible things but.. it keeps happening.
It isn't even reserved to the entertainment industry.
It's just mind blowing how much backlash there is against people sharing what they view as being 'common sense' with respect to their own safety. No specific advise was given on how to survive the industry. But that so many people think that 'Playing it safe' doesn't save you at the end of the day anyway so YOLO like Hello?!
"Women should be able to wear whatever they want. They should be able to flirt however they want with whomever they want. Why are we the ones who have to police our behavior?"
I'm sorry.. It's a two way street so I object to this.
This is life. It might not be the case that the abusers have any real power.. they just behave as though they do.. and I hear so many stories about how the abused have no power to stop it. And when you hear the backlash when you say DO NOT POUT YOURSELF IN SITUATIONS WHERE YOU HAVE LITTLE TO NO CONTROL!!! that's not victim blaming. It means when you can actually manage it DO NOT PUT YOURSELF IN SITUATIONS WHERE YOU HAVE LITTLE OR NO CONTROL OF THE OUTCOME. Do not go into meetings prepared to do anything for the job. That empowers abusers and builds on their belief that they are entitled to that type of behavior.
"And more women and men are waking up to the fact that it is on us all to sound the alarm on unacceptable behavior."
The more allies there are in positions to remove the abusers and protect potential victims, the better.
Why is this such a common thing?! Even a standard job interview sometimes has multiple people in the room. This should be common. ALL business meetings no matter how personal should have an agent present no? Can't you bring someone with you for your own safety? When that becomes common, it becomes less common for the abuser to be alone with yet another potential victim.
So again WHY? Why are people so upset about this victim blaming thing? Some of these cases could have been prevented that's all.
If you can't stand hearing that this is COMMON behavior from both sides.. Then don't listen. Be shocked. Things won't change.
Now abuses and the culture that forces people into the role of helpless victims does suck, talking about it, does help. Specifically, these producers, one incident, verifiable.. and they are removed. It shouldn't have gone on for an entire career as if it was normal surrounded by rumor and gossip. Listening to each other helps. Actually believing the stories and not laughing them off so they can be properly investigated is important.
Don't empower these people by remaining silent. Dirty Uncle Harvey and everyone like him have to be in the spotlight in order for the industries they are involved in to be cleaned up. Similarly stop letting every other asshole off the hook by remaining silent.