My last post was about "Allowing our Light to Shine"
My light has been put out and its been this way for awhile now. Not to be on a total downer, I just don't understand what my problem is. I have a lot to be thankful for. I have a wonderful family, great friends, a roof over my head, 2 of the best kids in the world..yet I am still miserable. The source of this misery - my body. Why? Why is my body image so bad? I use to be 60lbs lighter and still dream and think about this every day, almost every waking moment. I'm not lying. It consumes my thoughts. I use to think that "i am stuck inside this fat body", and now the scarier thing is that i am actually feeling like this "fat body" has consumed me and has become me. I cry as I write this because I know the answers. I know that I must diet and exercise to get in shape, but I am frozen. I have no motivation. I have given up. So instead I cry and I hate it because I don't usually give up easily. I know that I am a great person, a great friend, a great mom. But viewing myself as a sexual being repulses me. What I see in the mirror repulses me. I can see other curvy, larger women and think they are beautiful, but me...all i see is rolls and dimples and I want to throw up. My life has become "if I lose weight I will be happy". Why is my self worth all rolled into what is on the outside? I have no idea.
My light has been put out and its been this way for awhile now. Not to be on a total downer, I just don't understand what my problem is. I have a lot to be thankful for. I have a wonderful family, great friends, a roof over my head, 2 of the best kids in the world..yet I am still miserable. The source of this misery - my body. Why? Why is my body image so bad? I use to be 60lbs lighter and still dream and think about this every day, almost every waking moment. I'm not lying. It consumes my thoughts. I use to think that "i am stuck inside this fat body", and now the scarier thing is that i am actually feeling like this "fat body" has consumed me and has become me. I cry as I write this because I know the answers. I know that I must diet and exercise to get in shape, but I am frozen. I have no motivation. I have given up. So instead I cry and I hate it because I don't usually give up easily. I know that I am a great person, a great friend, a great mom. But viewing myself as a sexual being repulses me. What I see in the mirror repulses me. I can see other curvy, larger women and think they are beautiful, but me...all i see is rolls and dimples and I want to throw up. My life has become "if I lose weight I will be happy". Why is my self worth all rolled into what is on the outside? I have no idea.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
Keep reminding yourself of all the wonderful things about you. Re-read your own blogs.
Next, watch "what the bleep do we know", Very thought provoking and entertaining movie on metaphysics.
And, make sure you have healthy friends and family around. You need love and positive vibes.
Then, write down the things you need to do to be healthy. Not things you think would make you happy but healthy!!! Do you need to exercise? Eat less junk food? Meditate and relax more? Speed more time with your kids? Those kinds of things. Pick ONE thing each week and work on it. As you get use to doing healthier things for yourself, it will get easier and you will be able to do more healthier things at one time. The result is a happy and healier you!
This is only a suggestion. Im just trying to help. Im here as a SG friend if you want it