luxdivon

Friday night tipsyness
just shouldn't be so lonely....

you know, one of those things...
that even when you have company,
you're still lonely...

. . . man i'm so sick of my moods...
up one day
down the next.
i want this,
but no, i really want that..
my head is a big fucking mess of a wad of tissue or saran wrap or something..
i have no goals. no plans. no one really in my life.
i mean i have my lil' sister but even she is distant to tell you the truth..oh and, she's in chicago.
and i have boy(alex) but he's still too scared to really give two shits about anything..including even meeting me, even though we've been talking a year.
i have my cat..which is comforting. but he's just a cat.
i'm trying to fill this void still. keep trying to say it isnt important, or i can just suck it up. but i'm just too tipsy, headworn down, and tired to give a fuck.
i just want a lobotamy.
to not think anymore..its awful..to go to sleep at night, and dread waking up because you're scared of what you're mind is going to do to you the next day..
yea.. not such a good night..
that and everyone is so fucking shallow.
its pathetic. fucking ridiculously shallowly, pathetic..

my apathy and depression calls me.
g'nite my love.

p.s. and another thing..opinions seem to haunt me. its like i have to live by them..what's good, what's bad..what someone likes or dislikes, or prescribes to..it just makes me go crazy..i'm not sure why it bothers me so much, i just know it does.and makes it impossible to have opinions of any sort...
ok..i'm gonna try to stop this head of mine...before i lose it completely.