luxdivon

why is it that only when we think we're dying that we start to live. . .

every day i'm dying
one day closer to D E A T H
even if we dont know it
only have one life to live
only have one voice to give
each day grows closer
each night grows colder

history is being written
as we speak

its slipping away from us,
as we stay weak..
within these constraints
that bind us
within minds perception
seeking to escape - - the walls
of poverty
and pain
color
and
preference
nation or
religion
shit that just doesnt matter when it all comes down to it
to this,
that DEATH is coming for us
and the jokes on us
do you know when?
do you know how?
you can keep thinking you have forever
but forever is really just
the HERE and NOW
its now or never
time to grow

time to change

time to break free

its only when we think we're dying that living means anything.

........................................................................................
have you ever been to a point in your life, where you think you're dying?

I have. for real. precancerous cells. they're ok now. but i have to go back to the doctor. and i'm scared.

its funny that fight club has so many crazy metaphors for life.
ones that you just wouldnt see if you weren't looking.
Cancer. both the literal, eating out your body and soul
and the metaphorical - being that anything that eats away and destroys - depression - unhappiness - anger - distrust - not being who you really are - that all of that is cancer too.
and the people.
the ones at all the self-help groups, coddling their pain, in support for how scary their lives are..
are really still missing the point.

joy if life. pain is life. uncertainty is life. if at any point you start living less because you dont want pain to be in life, you've stopped living.. you're hiding from what you can't escape. you've coccooned within yourself, trying to prevent actual enlightenment.. that comes with pain. that comes with joy. that comes with living. and that's the biggest tragedy. When none of that is apparent. when coccooning in your bed feels safe, and you think you're living.. but you're not. you think you're escaping. but you're still haunted in dreams.
what would it take to really get that through

to keep you there.

in the living.

(((self rambling introspection and analyzation))

its sad that as much as i can talk, all i really want or end up doing is crawling back in bed to masturbate and/or go to sleep.. its the never ending cycle.