At what point should one feel like they don't belong?
I feel like I creep people out. Like there's this eerie vibe coming off of me that disturbs people. Maybe I just come off creepy... I'm sure there might be some psychological explanation for it. I think about joining social groups, with similar interests. A photography club, or a pagan group. I tried that with a group who played Irish Folk music every other week. I went to maybe learn a bit... I felt so out of place I was sweating half the time. I don't feel right around groups of people, like they stare at me... I feel like I shouldn't be here.
I feel like I should live out in the forest. I should be living with a family of wolves. I should bath in rivers and lakes. I feel like I should shun all human contact and live in a tree. But at the same time I don't want to. I enjoy people. I like taking pictures of them and talking to them. Sometimes. There are so few people that don't seem to be bothered with whatever that eerie vibe of mine is. Even some of my best friends will get very strange around me.
Fuck. I want to hang out with people. Meet new people. See new places. Learn things.
But every time I do I feel like an idiot, or an outcast, or just an all around failure.
I don't try to be a social outcast. All the people my age are in collage, having parties, doing shit. To them, I am a loser, a shut in, a bore. People older than me look at me like I'm some stupid kid. People younger than me look at me like I'm a a nobody.
I can't even ask questions without feeling like an idiot. Every time I do something off kilter, I feel like an ass. I feel like when I talk to people, they look at me like I'm a psycho.
I like who I am. I just don't know where I belong.
I feel like I creep people out. Like there's this eerie vibe coming off of me that disturbs people. Maybe I just come off creepy... I'm sure there might be some psychological explanation for it. I think about joining social groups, with similar interests. A photography club, or a pagan group. I tried that with a group who played Irish Folk music every other week. I went to maybe learn a bit... I felt so out of place I was sweating half the time. I don't feel right around groups of people, like they stare at me... I feel like I shouldn't be here.
I feel like I should live out in the forest. I should be living with a family of wolves. I should bath in rivers and lakes. I feel like I should shun all human contact and live in a tree. But at the same time I don't want to. I enjoy people. I like taking pictures of them and talking to them. Sometimes. There are so few people that don't seem to be bothered with whatever that eerie vibe of mine is. Even some of my best friends will get very strange around me.
Fuck. I want to hang out with people. Meet new people. See new places. Learn things.
But every time I do I feel like an idiot, or an outcast, or just an all around failure.
I don't try to be a social outcast. All the people my age are in collage, having parties, doing shit. To them, I am a loser, a shut in, a bore. People older than me look at me like I'm some stupid kid. People younger than me look at me like I'm a a nobody.
I can't even ask questions without feeling like an idiot. Every time I do something off kilter, I feel like an ass. I feel like when I talk to people, they look at me like I'm a psycho.
I like who I am. I just don't know where I belong.
phoenixgirl:
Things will fall into place for you, dont force it...there are days I love to be around people, and other days I wish I never had to deal with them ever...