love_suicide

well, i fought it all day yesterday...i even made it worse last night when i kept going...and now, i feel...like shit. yes, the come-down from adderall is never pleasant, but today it is really bad. it's not even so much the physical discomfort from lack of sleep this time either. i am genuinely depressed (in a sobbing uncontrollaby at times kind of way) that i...
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My Life Story Soundtrack:

Opening Credits: Type O Negative - Black No. 1
My Birth/Song to Mama: Boyz II Men - A Song for Momma
My Childhood: Ludacris - Growing Pains
Hanging with Cousin Nikki: Guns N' Roses - Paradise City
Loss of Virginity to Rape: Red Hot Chili Peppers - Lonely View
Summer Camp: Garth Brooks - The River, The Monkees - I'm a...
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today was weird. i woke up on the wrong side of the bed...after doing a lot of research last night, followed by a lot of bad dreams. i read a lot about different mental disorders & a lot seemed to fit me & that scares me. i know i need to see a shrink, but i don't know when i'll be able to afford it....
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i had a good cinco de mayo. i spent the evening with friends & then with gabe. it was lovely. i also took lots of pics between 5 & 8am...will post later.

i forgot to mention yesterday that i planted a flower garden on the 4th. yay me. i finally did that shit! i planted marigolds (orange, yellow, red), pansies (pink), roses (red, yellow), wildflowers...
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Gemini: Kai: Month of May 2007:

Even though the month starts out on an emotionally rough note, you can trust that it will end up in your favor. The bottom line is that things will get better and better for your love life as the month continue. Don't worry if you are caught in an emotional whiplash during the first week of the month. For...
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i haven't felt like blogging much this week, but i guess i have a few things i could mention.

a: taking care of legal shiznit asap
b: moving to beach is still in the picture
c: have decided to name my next child m or f: Tetsaiga ... if m: Inuyasha Tetsaiga
d: want another baby soon (like 08 or 09)
e: got a shitton...
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i should totally be asleep right now. damn my internal clock these days. something made me remember this morning about something that happened a few years ago...i woke up & looked out the window & the sky was red. i walked outsie & it was dead silent & the temperature was neither hot nor cold. there was no breeze. and the strangest part was the...
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suddenly everything has changed...

that's a quote from a postal service song. it might even be the title. and it's funny, too, that it took a postal service song, "nothing better," to finally get the message i wanted to convey across to gabriel (my husband). he finally realized that he was putting me in a position where i felt like i had no control over...
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life throws another curveball:

i wonder why life is so confusing...just when i'm sure of 2 things (that i want to move to the beach & that i don't want to be with gabriel), i find out that according to AL law, i have to have gabriel & ryan's permission to move anywhere that is more than 60 miles away from them or give up...
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so...i might be getting back with gabriel. go ahead & bitch like. i know everyone will, but the fact of the matter is, if he is willing to prove to me that he is serious about making our marriage work by finding a way to move us to FL, then i am willing to get serious about making our marriage work, too.

yes, i know,...
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i had a good friday & saturday. i met a cool guy friday night & we hung out & watched million dollar baby. i didn't particulary like the movie because it had a sad ending, but as least i was in good company. saturday night was even better. my plans to go bowling were foiled, but i ended up chillin' with a friend for a...
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and here i thought i had a reaction to my tetanus shot, when a couple of days later (today), i realize this is 'the flu'. for fuck's sake. i don't know which is really worse. now, not only do i feel weak & achy, i also have an earache, sore throat, runny nose, & cough to match. goddamn it. so...night clinic tomorrow after the lawyer....
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