lostidentity

Balance. This is what I try to live by. Not being totally obsessed with something, but liking a lot of things. These past few days I am consantly reminding of myself of a certain incident I had witnessed a few years ago. I was doing landscaping as a summer job and we were working at some rich people's homes. One of them had a couple of dogs and an electrical fence. One day I turned my head to see one of the dogs had managed to cross the fence and onto the road. It was in an enormous state of confusion as it stood there with the other dog in the fence looking at it. I constantly remind myself of this because the human mind is a dangerous place to live in as it too has boundaries. What happens when we go out of these boundaries? We might kill people including ourselves, or we learn about ourselves and how to change, or we answer a question that has been in our mind ever since we can remember, or we may commit vicious acts of abuse towards our children and spouses because either we don't know any better or its what we witnessed our parents do and has become learned. The point I'm making is that when people reach the limits, it results in a balance or variety of actions people can take. I have come to the conclusion that I myself have exited my limits, and just like the dog, I'm confused, and I'm just standing here motionless and clouded. My actions from here on out will have a profound effect on how I live and what my life will turn out to be. Maybe I should go back to school? Maybe I should get a different job? Maybe I should get out more and get lucky. I don't fucking know. All I know is that I'm in this alone and the lack of self-confidence I have in making decisions is resulting in tons of pressure on my skull. I don't want to put faith in anything other than myself right now because then you become dependant. I fear for the worst but I hope for the best. By the way, after a couple of minutes, the dog ran back into the fenced yard.