man life is so fucked up right now. well after taking leave back in july i pretty much had no money...and when you still have shit to pay for that becomes a problem. so im basically in this huge hole right now! and its stressing me out so fuckin bad. thank god i get the other part of my bonus at the end of this month or else im pretty sure id go jump of a cliff..and you think im joking!?!?!?!!! it just makes me feel like shit because thats a big reason why i joined the army..so i could get out of being like that..but no i had to go and marry a jack ass who stole $5000 of MY bonus money for enlisting in the fuckin army..ugh....
and another thing..my good old dad (i mean that very sarcastically) has finally stopped drinkin (well that is for now) after his second near death. he has been such a shitty fuckin dad i dont even want to give him a chance. i mean yeah now he's putting in the effort and what not. but i just want to be like "fuck you...you got your chance." my mom had to bust her ass so bad because my dad left. and he never helped with money or anything..she did everything she could for us. and she was an amazing person..and do you know what she got. she got MS...and my sisters and i got to watch her mind slip away and her body then we got to watch her take her last breath....so honestly i dont want to give my dad a chance..i wish that it was my mom i still had around then the dad who has "seen the light" and wants to now be a father...yeah youre a little late guy
oh and what else..oh my boyfriend, eric, is on ship right now..his unit in the marine corps goes on ship so i cant see him for a month or so..and of course the day that he leaves his fuckin x gf starts being psycho and messaging me...sooooo i wrote his best friend and filled him and and tommy explained that this girl was just a crazy..which i def know she is..it just sucks because im really happy with him but he leaves to go back to the states in Dec...and he told by best friend that he knows im worth it he just is worried about the whole trust thing because his ex (the crazy one) fucked him over and cheated on him.....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
ohhhh and my x pretty much realized he fucked up with me and when i get out of the army he wants me to come be with him.....why is life so fuckin STUPID
its mainly the money thing thats driving me crazy..but i feel like such a piece of shit..the only reason why i have food to eat is cause my suitemate is letting me eat her food....i just...i wanted to make life better, its why i joined the army...and life isnt getting better....and i hate being in the army..i want to be a civilian again. i want to go do hair..
okay im done ratting
and another thing..my good old dad (i mean that very sarcastically) has finally stopped drinkin (well that is for now) after his second near death. he has been such a shitty fuckin dad i dont even want to give him a chance. i mean yeah now he's putting in the effort and what not. but i just want to be like "fuck you...you got your chance." my mom had to bust her ass so bad because my dad left. and he never helped with money or anything..she did everything she could for us. and she was an amazing person..and do you know what she got. she got MS...and my sisters and i got to watch her mind slip away and her body then we got to watch her take her last breath....so honestly i dont want to give my dad a chance..i wish that it was my mom i still had around then the dad who has "seen the light" and wants to now be a father...yeah youre a little late guy
oh and what else..oh my boyfriend, eric, is on ship right now..his unit in the marine corps goes on ship so i cant see him for a month or so..and of course the day that he leaves his fuckin x gf starts being psycho and messaging me...sooooo i wrote his best friend and filled him and and tommy explained that this girl was just a crazy..which i def know she is..it just sucks because im really happy with him but he leaves to go back to the states in Dec...and he told by best friend that he knows im worth it he just is worried about the whole trust thing because his ex (the crazy one) fucked him over and cheated on him.....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
ohhhh and my x pretty much realized he fucked up with me and when i get out of the army he wants me to come be with him.....why is life so fuckin STUPID
its mainly the money thing thats driving me crazy..but i feel like such a piece of shit..the only reason why i have food to eat is cause my suitemate is letting me eat her food....i just...i wanted to make life better, its why i joined the army...and life isnt getting better....and i hate being in the army..i want to be a civilian again. i want to go do hair..
okay im done ratting
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This sounds really shitty. I think you have the right to push your father away. If he wants to talk to you he needs to earn that right now. And you need to have space to heal. Maybe you'll want to be closer to him later in life, but right now you can just back him off and tell him to go away.
Your ex-...well...he's obviously an asshole who is so messed up he is trying to get ahold of the only good thing that was in his life, you, and that's clearly not going to happen. Feel good about that, you have moved on.
Your current b/f just needs some time. Don't worry about it much. Just remember he had a shitty experience just like you did but he will relax more as he sees that you are not the issue.
hang in there.