I'm in a bad spot right now. It's a friday night and I'm doing my usual, sitting here watching tv and drinking by myself. Oh how depressing it is. I just want to cry. I know I haven't blogged in well forever, and I know nobody is even going to read this but maybe if I type it out it will make me feel a little better.
Life sucks, I finally was able to move away from the hell hole that was my hometown and move to another place that I love. I'm in school which keeps me busy some of the time but I still have a lot of time to sit around and do nothing. I really dont have any friends here, there are a few but none that I really hang out with very much. It's very lonely and I hate it. I have awesome roommates, I love them to death but the one likes to do things that are of no interest to me and the other one does things I love to do but she never asks if I would like to tag along even though i drop hints but I dont want to just come out and ask for fear that she will decline or end up being the tag along that doesn't fit.
I try to make new friends here but it's something that I have always had trouble with. I guess it doesn't help that I moved to a town 500 miles away and only new one person that was here. I often find myself doing things on my own, like going to the movies or stopping by a bar, I even went to a concert on my own, how sad is that. I spend a lot of money at blockbuster and ABC Liquor loves me with all the bottles I stop in and pick up.
What a fun night it has been to, not really. I spent 2 hours making myself a kick ass dinner, tried to make something I had never done before and it was pretty good, next time with a few tweaks it will be even better. But even then next time I'm sure it will just be myself eating it with a bottle of wine. Oh god how I wish I had a bottle of pills to make things better. Question, if I sit around and cry but no ones here to see it does it really happen? I'm glad that I am in a college town and everyone else is out running around having fun at the clubs (I hate clubs by the way, I prefer to hang out at chill bars or coffee shops, I like to talk to people not scream or read lips).
This fucking sucks so bad, can someone please just make it all go away. I guess if i drink enough maybe it will feel better but probably not. Why can't someone just love me for a little while, that would be so nice to just have someone to hang out with and talk to, to hold and snuggle with. Thats it, thats all I really want for know just to be loved.
Oh and to add something on, I fucking hate liars. I can't stand people who wont say what they mean and mean what they say. There is this girl that I liked, use the term loosely because now I realize how much of a shallow psychotic bitch she really is. I had feelings for her and like usual I said something she laughed at it and I got the but we are just friends line like I get from every chick I like. Then she tells me a couple days later that she isn't looking for a relationship that she doesn't want a guy right now. Well that statement lasted for about a day before she tells me she is going to hang out with this guy she met that night and liked, she has hung out with a couple of guys she met lately and is going again tonight. I just hate when people say one thing only to do another. it would bother me a lot less is she just said I don't want a relationship with you then to say she doesn't want one with anybody to only start going out with guys the next day, it's really fucked up so fuck you, you crazy fucking bitch.
Life sucks, I finally was able to move away from the hell hole that was my hometown and move to another place that I love. I'm in school which keeps me busy some of the time but I still have a lot of time to sit around and do nothing. I really dont have any friends here, there are a few but none that I really hang out with very much. It's very lonely and I hate it. I have awesome roommates, I love them to death but the one likes to do things that are of no interest to me and the other one does things I love to do but she never asks if I would like to tag along even though i drop hints but I dont want to just come out and ask for fear that she will decline or end up being the tag along that doesn't fit.
I try to make new friends here but it's something that I have always had trouble with. I guess it doesn't help that I moved to a town 500 miles away and only new one person that was here. I often find myself doing things on my own, like going to the movies or stopping by a bar, I even went to a concert on my own, how sad is that. I spend a lot of money at blockbuster and ABC Liquor loves me with all the bottles I stop in and pick up.
What a fun night it has been to, not really. I spent 2 hours making myself a kick ass dinner, tried to make something I had never done before and it was pretty good, next time with a few tweaks it will be even better. But even then next time I'm sure it will just be myself eating it with a bottle of wine. Oh god how I wish I had a bottle of pills to make things better. Question, if I sit around and cry but no ones here to see it does it really happen? I'm glad that I am in a college town and everyone else is out running around having fun at the clubs (I hate clubs by the way, I prefer to hang out at chill bars or coffee shops, I like to talk to people not scream or read lips).
This fucking sucks so bad, can someone please just make it all go away. I guess if i drink enough maybe it will feel better but probably not. Why can't someone just love me for a little while, that would be so nice to just have someone to hang out with and talk to, to hold and snuggle with. Thats it, thats all I really want for know just to be loved.
Oh and to add something on, I fucking hate liars. I can't stand people who wont say what they mean and mean what they say. There is this girl that I liked, use the term loosely because now I realize how much of a shallow psychotic bitch she really is. I had feelings for her and like usual I said something she laughed at it and I got the but we are just friends line like I get from every chick I like. Then she tells me a couple days later that she isn't looking for a relationship that she doesn't want a guy right now. Well that statement lasted for about a day before she tells me she is going to hang out with this guy she met that night and liked, she has hung out with a couple of guys she met lately and is going again tonight. I just hate when people say one thing only to do another. it would bother me a lot less is she just said I don't want a relationship with you then to say she doesn't want one with anybody to only start going out with guys the next day, it's really fucked up so fuck you, you crazy fucking bitch.
Chances are - she probably said what she was doing to spare your feelings and try not to hurt you - not realizing that in the long run..it would hurt you. Sometimes girls don't think things through well.
Take care of you.