If you read my last blog you will see that Im in a dark area right now. Things have only been worse the last two weeks. I finally broke down and asked for help. The only person in the world that I trust, my roommate, is the one I broke down too. She sat with me for hours just talking, she wanted to make sure I wasn't going to do anything stupid. I really didn't feel better afterwards, I was only able to talk, I still have to solve the root problems that are causing all the pain. I have started writing in an attempt to put my pain in to words. They may not be great pieces, hell they may not even be good but they get the point across. If anyone cares to read some of my stuff I will post in here.
This is the first thing I wrote, if read with the beat from Hurt then it has a rhythm. I guess you could title it Hurt also.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
It hurts so much today
It hurts so much in here
My lonely little world
I can't even stand to bare
I just want it all to end
The pain is just too real
If I was gone tonight
Would anyone even know
If I was gone tomorrow
Would anyone even care
It's just so lonely here
The pain is just too real
Can't anyone even see
How much pain I'm in
Someone to say hello
Someone just to care
Is that too much to ask.
The pain is just too real
I need some light today
It's so dark in here
There is love in a bottle
It has become my only friend
My darkest loving friend
The pain is just too real
I wish it would all just stop
Can I just bring it to an end
Why is life so great for some
And yet so cruel for me
Can't someone be my friend
The pain is just too real
I know the sun will rise again
I can't bring myself to care
It will still be dark in here
My cold and lonely world
Please bring it to an end
The pain is just too real
Darkness
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
This world is growing ever smaller
Darker and deeper it has become
It's a never-ending spiral into
Into something I have never seen
Something that I have never experienced
Something that I don't like
Something I wish would end
Can't anyone help me escape it?
Can't anyone set me free from this hell?
This hell that has become so real
The pain that is so touching
The pain that is just too real
This darkest hour is upon me
I don't know how much I can take
How can anyone cope with something?
Something so deep and dark
Something so real and painful
Something so gloomy and never ending
Why is this happening to me?
What evil act have I done?
What despicable tale did I weave?
Why me, the one who has always
Always done good, done my best
To help others,
Too heal, too cope, too live.
I've been a good person
A good friend
Now in this darkest hour
A friend is what I need the most
Someone too help, too heal, too cope.
Someone too just give me a hug.
A shoulder to cry on
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
All I really want right now is
Is that intimate emotional friend
I seek the one who can
Peer into my mind, pick my brain
See inside the rough exterior
The hideousness that hides
My internal beauty
The kind and gentle soul
That lies inside, waiting
Just waiting for someone
It's like a hidden treasure
Just waiting to be discovered and cherished
It's this emotional friend that I seek
And emotional is all I need
Not the physical intimacy that
So many desire
For I have been 23 years
Without out that connection
The connection that joins two bodies
Into one single mass of naked flesh
For a few moments of pleasure.
Oh but what a pleasure it must be
So what's a few more years waiting
Who needs the sex when emotional
Scars are what really need to
Be taken care of,
Taken care of more than physical desire
After all what is the physical pleasure
Without the emotional attachment
Nothing more than a sticky, sweaty mess.
I'm craving some emotional enlightenment
An ease of the emotional torture
The emotional torture which controls me
What I really need the most right now
Is something so simple, as simple as
A shoulder to cry on.
Untitled - still working on this one its not finished.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
For a moment I was happy.
For an instant everything was great
I was having a good time
Then I looked around
Everyone had what I wanted
A friend
Someone that listened to them
Someone that talked to them
And again I felt alone
The walls were closing in
Closing like a vice around me
Squeezing ever tighter
Choking the breath from me
Trying it's best to take the last
The last remaining hope from me.
It did it's job, I was alone again.
What's new, it's the story of my life.
Oh and my bday is tuesday, so tell me happy bday, make me feel better.
and i hope you feel better. heres a hammy to cheer you up: