why do i feel that this is going to become addicting to me. this is kinda weird cuz i usually don't have the patience to write in a regular journal or diary. either that or i just can't find the words for my thoughts, which is usually the case. i don't know.
i really hate my job, most of the time. i really feel that i can't be myself there. i'm a waitress at a popular strip club in milwaukee and its pretty decent money, more than anything else i could make anywhere else right now in my life. i think it would be fun to work at a coffee shop, i would love to make coffee, knowing that i love coffee so much. you see, i'm not much of a make-up girl most the time, at least not anymore. and i'm not really the "pretty" type of girl. i'm really not any sort of category, everything depends on my mood for that day. and i'm definitly not into pleasing men, in any shape or form. i love women, but i hate it when the only things that matter in there lives are men. seriously, i hate it when they form their lives around men. and don't get me wrong, i have absolutly nothing against dancers. that is their job, to create the hyper-femme. and they do it well, it obviously works. anyways, i just can't really see myself getting along with the other waitresses. i don't really, except for a select few. its kind of ironic that i love women and want to be with a woman, but i don't have too many woman friends. i wish i did. maybe its just that i tend to ba anit-social. not on purpose though. i wish that i could meet people all the time and learn about their lives. but i'm usually at home being lazy and doing nothing.
so my job is so annoying. i never look forward to going, it just depresses me. and i hate that i'm always on 10 or 11 hour shifts now. whats up with that???? yeah and my parents don't know. first i told them that i was a nanny, and now they think i don't have a job. and they are ALWAYS on my case about getting a job. and they would freak if they found out that i worked there (they are a bit too religious for that). my sister knows (she's 35). and she don't like it very much. apparently she's quite the feminist, yet i would still consider myself a feminist. anyways, thats a whole other story.
so i obviously want to quite my job. but i can never seem to make a full decision, about anything really. i'm not really worried too much about money right now, but i really should be. my parents are paying for part of my tuition for school, and i'm supposed to pay the loans back. and then they also pay for my rent. its really nice and all that they do that for me, but the other part of me wants to be totally be on my own. i want to have to work to be able to survive. if that makes any sense at all. and they ultimately hold the upper hand in shit. i mean, if i told them where i really worked, they would probably make me quite by saying that they won't pay for shit. so i'm kinda stuck, don't know what to do. shit, i never know what to do.
ok, the only thing i don't like about my mac, is that its kinda loud. well, not really loud but it always has this running noise on constantly. its been irriating. maybe i'm just sitting at my computer too much! that was a very odd change of subject.... i think i'm gonna do it again too! i don't think i've ever done laudry this late before! 2:40 hmmmmm. i think that the reason that i really don't want to go to bed tonight is that i don't want to wake up tomorrow and have to go work soon after.
i went shopping today (or should i say yesterday). not for fun, i just needed some long sleeve shirts...which i have like none! and i would definitly say that winter is pretty cold here in wisconsin, haha. i surprised myself with actually buying some! i swear i've gotten so cheap lately. i usually won't even look at shirt if its over $10. and if its a t-shit, it must be under $5!!!! ha! thus the reason why i never end up buying anything. however, today i MADE myself look at stuff. i can't believe i actually bought shirts that were over $15!!!! its absolutely insane!! lol. but its good now, cuz i got some long sleeve shirts, which i desperately needed.
ok i'm gonna go get my laundry from the dryer now and then make myself go to bed, knowing that i won't be able to wake up tomorrow, even after 2:00.... so sad
sweet dreams!!!
i really hate my job, most of the time. i really feel that i can't be myself there. i'm a waitress at a popular strip club in milwaukee and its pretty decent money, more than anything else i could make anywhere else right now in my life. i think it would be fun to work at a coffee shop, i would love to make coffee, knowing that i love coffee so much. you see, i'm not much of a make-up girl most the time, at least not anymore. and i'm not really the "pretty" type of girl. i'm really not any sort of category, everything depends on my mood for that day. and i'm definitly not into pleasing men, in any shape or form. i love women, but i hate it when the only things that matter in there lives are men. seriously, i hate it when they form their lives around men. and don't get me wrong, i have absolutly nothing against dancers. that is their job, to create the hyper-femme. and they do it well, it obviously works. anyways, i just can't really see myself getting along with the other waitresses. i don't really, except for a select few. its kind of ironic that i love women and want to be with a woman, but i don't have too many woman friends. i wish i did. maybe its just that i tend to ba anit-social. not on purpose though. i wish that i could meet people all the time and learn about their lives. but i'm usually at home being lazy and doing nothing.
so my job is so annoying. i never look forward to going, it just depresses me. and i hate that i'm always on 10 or 11 hour shifts now. whats up with that???? yeah and my parents don't know. first i told them that i was a nanny, and now they think i don't have a job. and they are ALWAYS on my case about getting a job. and they would freak if they found out that i worked there (they are a bit too religious for that). my sister knows (she's 35). and she don't like it very much. apparently she's quite the feminist, yet i would still consider myself a feminist. anyways, thats a whole other story.
so i obviously want to quite my job. but i can never seem to make a full decision, about anything really. i'm not really worried too much about money right now, but i really should be. my parents are paying for part of my tuition for school, and i'm supposed to pay the loans back. and then they also pay for my rent. its really nice and all that they do that for me, but the other part of me wants to be totally be on my own. i want to have to work to be able to survive. if that makes any sense at all. and they ultimately hold the upper hand in shit. i mean, if i told them where i really worked, they would probably make me quite by saying that they won't pay for shit. so i'm kinda stuck, don't know what to do. shit, i never know what to do.
ok, the only thing i don't like about my mac, is that its kinda loud. well, not really loud but it always has this running noise on constantly. its been irriating. maybe i'm just sitting at my computer too much! that was a very odd change of subject.... i think i'm gonna do it again too! i don't think i've ever done laudry this late before! 2:40 hmmmmm. i think that the reason that i really don't want to go to bed tonight is that i don't want to wake up tomorrow and have to go work soon after.
i went shopping today (or should i say yesterday). not for fun, i just needed some long sleeve shirts...which i have like none! and i would definitly say that winter is pretty cold here in wisconsin, haha. i surprised myself with actually buying some! i swear i've gotten so cheap lately. i usually won't even look at shirt if its over $10. and if its a t-shit, it must be under $5!!!! ha! thus the reason why i never end up buying anything. however, today i MADE myself look at stuff. i can't believe i actually bought shirts that were over $15!!!! its absolutely insane!! lol. but its good now, cuz i got some long sleeve shirts, which i desperately needed.
ok i'm gonna go get my laundry from the dryer now and then make myself go to bed, knowing that i won't be able to wake up tomorrow, even after 2:00.... so sad
sweet dreams!!!