lipstickbetty

Subject: love and happiness

Mood: grateful.
Music: Al Green - Let's stay together.


So i'm laying here cuddled up to my laptop wearing the most ridiculous flanel pajama's listening to my ipod,with the most adorable dog of life snuggled underneath my maroon comforter and at the base of my bed listening to Al Green.Songs like Love and Happiness, Call me, I'm still in love with you, here I am, I can't get next to you, and let's stay together always get the best of me.

God that man, i tell ya. i can feel his soul come through every single one of the notes he sings... god he is amazing.

I remember my mother first introduced me to Mr. Green when I was still in her womb. She was one of those mothers that would constantly play music next to her stomach through her pregnancy thinking it has some effect on us. Fucking hippie mother i tell you. haha

Growing up my mother had an amazing collection of vinyl and taste in music. She'd play all the great stuff and try to explain and educate me on people like Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, The Stones, Al Green, Marvin Gaye, The pointer sisters...etc.She'd tell me about all the great parties and all the rockstars/musicians she'd met partying.The influence and the importance of music, certain musicians/bands and what it meant to her. The list was endless. We'd spend sunny afternoons in our living room playing music, dancing with each other,completely ignoring the world. All that mattered was the music, her and I.

She has a certain weakness for motown.

I sit and wonder how my mother was like when she was younger. From what i can tell you from the photos I've seen, she was a stone fox. I bet she was a firecracker just waiting to get out and explore what the world had to offer, or rather what she would have to offer the world. I always imagined my mother too much for the world, I don't think they were ever really ready. I'm still not sure they are. . . The world has never been much to my mother unfortunately. And I wish there was someway I could change that.So unfair, so hurtful - it's always the most deserving that seem to come up short.

She barely talks about her childhood with me and I never ask knowing that she would rather leave it in her past. And i'd rather leave it there as well, knowing all the emotional strain that would come along with it. She deserves so much more than that.

My mother is one of those people that cherish their children more than anything. she was diehard, we were "all she ever had". She didn't let anyone fuck with us, look down on us, hurt us, talk about over protective. Dayam skippy. If anyone ever messed with me and my brothers, you better be running away, and fast. She did everything in her power to make sure we never wanted for anything, even though we were poor and she had to work sometimes 2 to 3 jobs. Even though we worried about the power being cut off, the water being cut off... I had the best childhood. She was our best friend, and still is to this day.

I couldn't have asked for a more inspirational woman in my life to raise me to be the person I am today. I am truly lucky.

I can see so much of my mother in myself it scares me and makes me proud at the same time. there is nothing i can do to fight it and i don't really want to.

I know when she leaves us, at least i will have that. and that in itself is amazing and beautiful.

to be continued...