linkismyhero

I will be gone all next week starting this Saturday, we are going to the beach. I keep forgetting because I guess I don't want to go. But on the other hand I do want to go. Confusion. So no Cruxy updates for a WEEK unless I can figure out how to update via my phone. Oh no she didn't! edit as you can see from the double update I figured it out. That's right. You'll still be hearing from me in short blasts while I'm away. I'll check all the comments when I get back baby.

Wowzers, a new Apnea and Benni photoset by Mr. Picnic and I didn't even notice. Maybe I should turn those stupid banner ads back on so I actually see the sets of the day again. They are EVIL for making me want to do that.

What do you do for stress relief when you're suddenly feeling frazzled? What is something that soothes you? I really need some advice on that.

Maybe I should start by looking at a picture like this:



Despite my lack of skill with a camera, I managed to take this beautiful photo. Kind of hard not to take a good picture of a scene that looks so good already. It's a cloudy sky with the sun peeking through over a lake in the Adirondack Mountains of New York. If Fenchurch isn't limiting her custom throw pillows to one per customer I might get this photo put on a pillow for myself. Or maybe I could have her make one as a gift to somebody.

Doodles within

Warning I'm feeling long-winded. Maybe I should spoiler this entire entry. It reads well though I think.

It's no fun when you've been having a really good day and then it ends kind of badly.

Yesterday was this really happy, sunshiney day. I woke up whenever and was in a really cheery mood. I did a lot of preparation of the CDs I'm making for Redbeard3 (who is now grey ) and a non-SG friend, printing out custom sleeves and stuff. That made me happy.

Ate breakfast (wow!) and lunch. Then I went to the dump to do my recycling and Annie was playing in my car as usual (I had listened to a lot of her the night before, having a couple new songs to listen to, which is part of why I was in such a good mood).

And it's always cleansing to get the paper and cardboard and bottles and cans out of the house and to a place where they'll be broken down and reused. I'm too suspicious of my neighbors, I worry that they put regular trash in our recycling bins, and thus the trash collectors dump the recycling into the trash with everything else. That's just my suspicion and may or may not be true. But I feel more assured taking my stuff directly to the big dumpsters full of broken down cardboard and plastic jugs and all the rest, where they're supposed to go.

I guess I'm weird but I like the dump. Of course I wouldn't want to hang around there because it's pretty stinky and gross, but it's interesting the way they have all these sections for putting different types of stuff. Aside from the basic recycling dumpsters they also have a section for broken/old computer equipment, and a section for large scrap metal... and old construction materials. I think I left my old monitor there a year or so ago, and I know I put some form of scrap metal there but I forget what it was.

Anyway so I returned from the dump and had the motivation to finally Windex the inside of my windshield. Way back in winter I had to wipe off some fog on the inside of the windshield with my hand, so for all these months I've had these ugly streaks on the windshield where the moisture dried, making it a little harder to see, especially at night when there'd be a glare sometimes from headlights on the other side of the road. So now that's all taken care of.

Listened to a lot of music when I got home. Messed around with my Annie pics folder on SG changing some captions. I always enjoy improving the captions in my pics folders. I put a lot of thought into my folders. They're like little galleries of my stuff. It's fun. So that made me happy too.

Soon Redbeard3 came online and we talked for a while. He was a bit distracted by Harry Potter and I wanted to say "accio book" to take it away from him so he would talk to me more, heh.

Things were going ok for the most part until I started trying to do a lot of memory-intensive stuff on my computer, mostly trying to make a new rasterAnnie poster. I downloaded the standalone edition of the rasterbator (I hate that name, so does Redbeard3), which has more options, you can do dots as small as 1mm but it's very slow and takes a lot of memory. I did a 3mm version of the poster but it didn't turn out so good, I think the original picture was too small or not high quality enough because it turned out looking kind of jagged in places and the color was a little messed up. Then I tried doing a 1mm version and it said it was going to take 73 minutes. I had Firefox and Winamp and a whole slew of other programs open and my computer was just unhappy. I got that darned "low on virtual memory" warning.

I also had Soulseek open and someone banned me. I have never been banned by anyone on Soulseek before and I have no idea why I was now. Didn't make sense. I guess their personal banning rules (which are dumb rules that the people who share a billion files have to prevent abuse) were especially dumb and strict. That really cheesed me off in the worst way and my computer was about to crash anyway so I had to just shut everything down and restart. And by then I was just in a bad mood. I was feeling so stressed I couldn't even listen to Annie. Had to press stop on Winamp and just have silence for a while.

So that's why I asked about the stress relief. I don't really have a "thing" I do when I'm feeling upset, something that never fails to calm me down. Used to be I could take a shower and that would help. Maybe it would still help, I dunno. I didn't think to take one last night.

I was feeling bad mentally as well as physically so I went to bed early (sleeping in my clothes because I was too pissed off to change), and the result was I woke up before 5am. It's always weird when you wake up early (or at least me) because I get confused and think I see things that aren't there. Like the darkness of my closet, I thought it was some kind of tall object on my bed. It gets creepy, too, I start to think I'll see a person in my room and freak the hell out.

If I hadn't started getting creeped out I might've been able to go back to sleep but I couldn't, so I got up and turned on the lights and was blinded temporarily. I hate that.

Anyway it's the afternoon now and thankfully it's been another happy, sunshiney day. The anti-depressant has obviously started to work, because I can get out of bed and do things now, and I feel happy. And don't start with the "but it's chemically induced" stuff because I was severely depressed and couldn't do ANYTHING. Now I can, and it's such a relief.

Speaking of medication, mom had forgotten to take her meds this morning and was feeling bad so she had me drive to her work and bring them to her. The traffic sucked but the music took my mind off it. Since she works down the street from our bank I cashed a bunch of checks and now I have lots of $$$bling$$$. But I don't want to spend any because I'm starting to go broke.

Had to spend some though, today, to buy some replacement ink cartridges. Those damned things are expensive. Serves me right for trying to make these raster posters. Watch my brand new color ink cartridge go empty trying to print the latest one I made. The dots are so close together (1mm this time) that it's almost solid color.

I had to mess with the image too, the original sized one, as mentioned earlier, was so small and compressed that the edges were all jagged, and the black areas had these funky lighter parts in the middle. So I recaptured the image (it wasn't a "save as" file, I had to print screen it) and I enlarged it to 1000x the original size, and saved it with the least compression possible. Hey I meant business. I think the resultant .pdf raster image file looks pretty good. It's just going to kill my ink cartridges (and my wallet too I guess).

Oh and p.s. my cat Sabrina (the fat one) has lost another two pounds it appears. Gone from 12 pounds (as measured by the vet a month or so ago) to about 10 pounds (as measured by myself by holding her and standing on the bathroom scale and comparing that with my own weight... eh, close enough). I'm so proud. She's so good about it too, I only feed her a cup of weight loss formula food a day plus a small plop of standard wet food (and her kitty Prozac for the aggression) but she doesn't complain at all. She only starts meowing in the evening when it's the regular time I feed her anyway.

AND I saw I weigh about 114 pounds now. I've gained about 3 pounds looks like. This is good. I've lost too much weight from being depressed and having no appetite.

p.p.s. if you don't understand this "pounds" business go here. For reference I'm 5'2" and go here to convert that.

I made an edited version of the following song because the one on the compilation album added this funky vocal effect at the end (and at the beginning of the next song). So I cut off the end (on the beat so it sounds basically ok, I was just lucky I cut it off at a good spot) and did a fade out and it sounds much better.

I am sooooo into this song right now. It should go on an album and be performed live in my opinion. *crosses fingers for next album*

Ooh, why
you make it feel like it is
you and I
when there is nothing left to
what we had
it took me much too long to see
that I
I will get on