It is that time of month when I am cheerfully reminded by Mother Nature that I am a woman. I am retaining water like a sponge on crack. I weigh almost five pounds more than I did a week ago. Not that I really mind the extra weight, but I feel like I'm wearing a fat suit. To say I feel logy is an understatement. OK, I think you get the picture.
It has been extremely wonderful to have a break from school. I have no responsibilities right now, and that's the way I likes it.
The down-side is that I'm starting to get bored. Real bored. I don't seem to want to do a lot of SG browsing, or play the puzzles on Nikoli.com, or even play Twilight Princess, which seems insane and wrong coming from me. I can't even seem to stay very focussed on writing this journal entry right now.
I'm worried that this boredom has to do with the further reduction of my medication. I started taking half the amount of Wellbutrin on the 20th, and just the other day my doctor had me halve it again. I don't want to end up losing all of my motivation to do anything if I stop taking the pills.
I will say that I've noticed some positive changes. It's hard to say how much of it is from just being happy that I passed both of my classes and happy that I'm on break, and how much of it is from the reduced Wellbutrin, but the changes are thus: I seem to be able to think more clearly. I feel like I'm more coherent. And I'm less bothered by some of the things that used to distress me.
I've noticed this because of the change in my SGing habits. I had steered clear of the boards for the longest time, always becoming miserable when I spent much time at all there. But now, I've been spending a ton more time there, and the usual things that upset me aren't upsetting me anymore. I feel braver, even.
I'm able to not obsess over making friends and getting "noticed" by people, getting my comments replied to, etc. I'm able to make comments and be satisfied that I find them amusing, not caring whether anyone else does. And the nice thing is that people are noticing me and finding my comments amusing (well, mostly people are noticing me
). It's a nice bonus, but even without it, I would be happy. I'm enjoying being a part of this community. That's very different from just a few weeks ago, and it would be nice if this were because of the reduced meds.
To change the subject, I have had a problem of not having enough dinner-type meals to eat. I have a short list of things I always buy for dinner at the grocery store, but it's never enough and I run out of that stuff super-quickly. So when I replenished my supply of caffeine-free Coke at the store a little while ago, I went ahead and looked around for more meals. I found a lot of rice/pasta-in-a-box type stuff (something special, girl, it's my pasta in a box), which is probably not the best for me (like, as a vegetarian, I might want to eat some, you know, vegetables?!), but it's easy to make and it might just give me more variety and stuff to eat for dinner.
I also bought a packet of mild chili seasoning, a can of kidney beans, two little cans of tomato sauce, and a bag of Morningstar's fake ground beef, and I'm-a gonna make some chili at some point. It sounds so good that I want to make some now, but I just had some pizza (Ellio's, wasn't that great) and I had matzo ball soup (so good, my favorite) for lunch, so my stomach capacity is low right now. Maybe tomorrow.
Well, my thumb is hurting due to some possible nerve damage or something from having exposed it to the steam over a pot of boiling water today, so I'll end here for now. Have fun and happy new year and whatever. To those of you who drink, don't get too drunk, and to those of you who don't, don't get too bitter and lonely. I kid, I kid. Have a good 'un.
It has been extremely wonderful to have a break from school. I have no responsibilities right now, and that's the way I likes it.
The down-side is that I'm starting to get bored. Real bored. I don't seem to want to do a lot of SG browsing, or play the puzzles on Nikoli.com, or even play Twilight Princess, which seems insane and wrong coming from me. I can't even seem to stay very focussed on writing this journal entry right now.
I'm worried that this boredom has to do with the further reduction of my medication. I started taking half the amount of Wellbutrin on the 20th, and just the other day my doctor had me halve it again. I don't want to end up losing all of my motivation to do anything if I stop taking the pills.
I will say that I've noticed some positive changes. It's hard to say how much of it is from just being happy that I passed both of my classes and happy that I'm on break, and how much of it is from the reduced Wellbutrin, but the changes are thus: I seem to be able to think more clearly. I feel like I'm more coherent. And I'm less bothered by some of the things that used to distress me.
I've noticed this because of the change in my SGing habits. I had steered clear of the boards for the longest time, always becoming miserable when I spent much time at all there. But now, I've been spending a ton more time there, and the usual things that upset me aren't upsetting me anymore. I feel braver, even.
I'm able to not obsess over making friends and getting "noticed" by people, getting my comments replied to, etc. I'm able to make comments and be satisfied that I find them amusing, not caring whether anyone else does. And the nice thing is that people are noticing me and finding my comments amusing (well, mostly people are noticing me
). It's a nice bonus, but even without it, I would be happy. I'm enjoying being a part of this community. That's very different from just a few weeks ago, and it would be nice if this were because of the reduced meds.
To change the subject, I have had a problem of not having enough dinner-type meals to eat. I have a short list of things I always buy for dinner at the grocery store, but it's never enough and I run out of that stuff super-quickly. So when I replenished my supply of caffeine-free Coke at the store a little while ago, I went ahead and looked around for more meals. I found a lot of rice/pasta-in-a-box type stuff (something special, girl, it's my pasta in a box), which is probably not the best for me (like, as a vegetarian, I might want to eat some, you know, vegetables?!), but it's easy to make and it might just give me more variety and stuff to eat for dinner.
I also bought a packet of mild chili seasoning, a can of kidney beans, two little cans of tomato sauce, and a bag of Morningstar's fake ground beef, and I'm-a gonna make some chili at some point. It sounds so good that I want to make some now, but I just had some pizza (Ellio's, wasn't that great) and I had matzo ball soup (so good, my favorite) for lunch, so my stomach capacity is low right now. Maybe tomorrow.
Well, my thumb is hurting due to some possible nerve damage or something from having exposed it to the steam over a pot of boiling water today, so I'll end here for now. Have fun and happy new year and whatever. To those of you who drink, don't get too drunk, and to those of you who don't, don't get too bitter and lonely. I kid, I kid. Have a good 'un.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
nocontrol:
I have a pretty good recipe for vegetarian chili if you're interested...
12angrybadgers:
Congrats on passing your classes!!! Glad to hear you're feeling somewhat better, mentally. I found that it's nearly impossible to tell if a change in meds is helpful or not simply because there always seem to be several other causal elements that seem to enter the picture about the same time (e.g. passing your classes and being on break). But, it sounds like you are feeling better. And I know it's a huge pain in the ass (and I rarely took the advice to do it myself), but excercise helps. Best wishes! 