lily

hypochondria--
The persistent conviction that one is or is likely to become ill, often involving symptoms when illness is neither present nor likely, and persisting despite reassurance and medical evidence to the contrary. Also called hypochondriasis.

This is my new diagnosis,
ha.
In a state of nothingness really, not that any of my thoughts can be expressed through this useless human language. Ya'll try so hard, But still you're just stuck inside your own head. I've been mute for a few days now. and these guys that i've given lap dances to write me 9 page love/hate Letters and i stick them on the ceiling of my shitty ass van with bubblegum and forget about your existance.
This one guy kept coming into the club, he was very eccentric and beautiful. would spend hundreds of dollars on me every night he came. He had houses everywhere, I didn't understand his obsession with me cause i was convinced that he was gay, I loved talking to him, he was amazing. I loved dancing for him cause he'd stare right into my eyes the whole time. It turned out he was a famous writer and i was a devolping character in his new novel. He described me as "An angry red headed stripper who's real cynical and confused about her sexuality and has lots of tattoos." ha.Other peoples perceptions are strange. It's very strange to me that he's using me for a character in his book. He's going to help me get some of my writing published. Little fiery man he is. Real pretty soul.
I'm stuck here and i refuse to leave until.................................nevermind.
Love, Lily