lily

The shadow of the 14-year-old alienated girl I used to be lives here with me, she lived in fantasy for too long and when it was time to step off, she jumped crazy and fanatical. She jumped like she believed she could fly, instead she fell and loved every minute.

I held 9 millimeters in that bathroom in Texas where there was no electricity but so much fire, I would sit holding it, wondering if it would go off. She always loved to play with fire.


I talk to the dead. I wonder only how I could get back to you, your physical form reduced to glittering ashes and dust in the wind. "Where did you go?"


And you said I was your Valkyrie to Valhalla.

But what the fuck did you do except leave me here with all of these old love letters desperate for inspiration?

And would I have believed it if I could have watched you decay?
Would I have torn at my own flesh just to disappear with you?

It's fucking freezing here and everyone is incestuous. I miss the anonymity of New York City. You could brush your cells off on thousands of other people daily but more importantly you could stay hidden when you wanted to.

I guess these dreams just aren't enough, cause I always wake up, every time.


Love, Lil

P.s. R.I.P. Fuck NYPD Sean. I'll see you when I get there

Tell me about a recent dream you've had, as in an unconscious one...