lily

I spent most of my halloween reunited with my fabulous faggot of a little brother. I forgot how much I missed him and his energy. We held hands and wandered the streets with his entourage, He always finds so many girls that just love to follow him around. We both grew up so broken, fighting off demons the best way we knew how. Having a competitions of sorts to see who can die faster. He always won.
The whole time I missed you, the tattoo of your name haunted me. That black ink imbedding itself eternally in my pale white skin. A metaphore for the love that I had for you, never fading. Just stopping in the midst of thunderstorms to figure out how the fuck we got here. I hope you know that I'll always be there. It's just that I am protective of you like the mother that neither of us ever had and I confuse my role because we are orphan blood.
Early morning I was walking to the clinic with all of the other broken souls when I saw her behind me. She had sores all over her face marking her a victim of the virus that keeps killing my extended family. "Bitch, why you never call me". She asks out of breath, angry, but still smiling. "I did call you Aida. Last sunday. You were sleeping and I even called you the sunday before that but you were in Rikers." She laughs. Choking on her laughter. "I'm such a bad mother!" she says giggling. I laugh. In the course of Aida's dementia. She has confused me with her daughter. I always play along. The only one that refuses to call her crazy. Because in her world, I am her daughter. We embrace and the people around us shake their heads. The counselours at the clinic think that I am encouraging her insanity, but truth is, I've only ever seen Aida Smile when she jumps into our special mother-daughter reality.

Love Love Love, Lily