lily

Watched the sun set from tiny teasing windows above barbed wire fences and bodies of water on an island called Rikers where a million hearts sang out their own sad song and a thousand feet shuffled behind their hard locked doors to hear the sound of the thunderstorms, outsideoutside, a place we were deprived of.
I wrote on those yellow walls and laughed with 15 year old girls that had just gotten jumped into the bloods. I found hope and killed it as soon as everything faded.
I miss the quiet. Counting days. Counting hours like they mattered.
She said Sometimes you have to be in a cell to find god
But I wonder why she would ever be lost to us
And do the holier than thou bible clutchers know her any better than we do?
I see her every day. In the sky leaking lullabyes, In the soft grip of a junkies hand,
In the cocky EMS workers that saved one of my best friends life last night as she tried to drown out the fetus crawling inside of her, just reminding her of true love that injustice broke a part. She was breathing so slow, I didnt want to touch her. The color faded from her skin and she just seemed to rock back and fell into breathless dreams with her unborn child. I saw her so brilliantly as she awoke and I seemed to imagine her belly swell with life again.
I see her in the love letters I get from death row in Texas on white pages with blue ink scrawled across the pages

Qear Lily,
Did you have a genuine smile on your face at all today?

Aear ________,
Not until I got your letter.

I need her the most right now though, to drag me to my fate, cause I cant find it on my own and all of these silent prayers have found their graves.

Love, Lily