OK guys, this is gonna be a pretty large blog because there's a lot either been happening or about to happen that I need to get off my chest. I'll spoiler some of it and you can then choose whether to open or not:
Today is a better day. After not having practised baking in time for Sonny's christening tomorrow, I've spent 3 hours this morning baking the following:
I left them in the oven a couple of minutes too long, so half of them are a little too brown on the top - these are the first thing I made so I'll keep them here for myself I think
Weight Watchers Lemon Drizzle Muffins:
Winnie The Pooh Cupcakes:
Farmyard Haminal Cupcakes:
I also made a Carrot Cake with icing but it doesn't look that great - I'll take a picture later when the icing has set and I've chopped it up into small pieces.
I'm really pleased with my hard work this morning
So, Reading:
Reading was good, I got to meet some cool people and see some cool bands and of course, work my arse off! I've never walked so far in my entire life! I heard that from one end of the site to the other is approx. 4.2 miles - I did 3 shifts and the first two we walked around the entire site twice which I reckon must have been about 10 miles per shift! The last night was a little bit more hectic as it was the overnight shift so we only managed to get around the entire site once, but I was glad. My hooves felt like stumps by then anyway!
I'm glad I went and I'm also flattered that they asked me to be a supervisor's assistant as the work was a lot more varied and not so boring but still, it was hard work. Emo bit coming up..............
Unfortunately what I didn't count on was feeling so upset yet again for the loss of my baby, Pip. I suddenly realised while I was there that I'd convinced myself that with the loss of Pip at least I was able to go to Reading Festival this year but then when I got there it occurred to me that actually I'd be more than happy to never go to another festival as long as I live if I could have Pip back again. I guess the feeling a mother feels for her baby is so strong that there is nothing that can even compare to that. I spent 2 whole days at the festival hiding in my tent crying, feeling incredibly alone. Having said that I'm glad that I was able to do that without anyone noticing. I guess its all part of the grieving process but I just wish that I could get over it already!! I just feel so broken; like I'll never be the same again And the truth is, I won't ever be the same again will I.
Thursday night at Reading was fun - we went to 'Club NME' at the Rivermead and got our groove on! It was nice to have a good boogie to some bizarre choons but it was fun. We had a few beers (Arena Crew wristbands = free beer, yay!) and a laugh I'm kinda embarrassed that I didn't know any Rage songs and that all the crappy chart music they played, I was able to tell everyone else what the song was and who it was by! I think I need to broaden my listening a little; I'm obviously listening to far too much Radio 1
They played this song and I broke my heart - without a word rdpixie cuddled me and made me feel better. This song will forever remind me of that moment:
They ended the set like this - so lovely:
Tenacious D!:
The Lizard and The Wizard:
Metal, yeah!:
Satan:
The crowd as the sun went down:
What a picture:
Our little camp:
I also got to see Henry Rollins for the first time and man, what a fucking legend! Sooooooooo inspiring! I plan to see him again whenever he is back in the UK. He makes me believe that anything is possible.
So all in all, I'm glad I went to Reading but it was emotional. I'm not sure I'll go again, maybe I need to accept that I'm getting too old for it. There were so many fucking idiots again there this year; it's hard to deal with and depresses me the way they behave. I'll definitely do Latitude next year but Reading, I'm not so sure.
My lodger is moving out on Monday and going to Uni so that's another success under my belt The Accommodation Resource Centre came to visit me yesterday to discuss a new scheme they're going to run from the 1st October and it's called Supported Lodgings Scheme - they want me to be a part of it and I am absolutely thrilled. Basically, it involves me becoming more of a carer/support worker for my next lodger and I'll be working closely with outside agencies like social services, counsellors for substance abuse, alcohol abuse, sex etc. and I get paid for it too! I'm sure I've told you all this before but before I decided I wanted a family of my own, I've always had this dream of fostering children when I'm 'old' (because I don't feel that old yet!); kinda in my 40's. 50's and beyond. Now I want my own family, I'm thinking it'll probably be once I've raised my children and they've flown the nest. So yeah, this supported lodgings scheme is like half-way to fostering and I am very excited about it and flattered that I've obviously made enough of an impression on the ARC that they believe I am capable of doing this
They've also advised me to up the weekly rent so all in all, once my next lodger has been chosen, I will get an extra 300 per month on top of the rent I already receive, that is very much welcome news as I'm again wondering how I'm going to pay my mortgage this month
As I said earlier too, it's Sonny's christening tomorrow. He is such an angel, I'm totally in love with him!
I mean come on, just look at him:
Only problem is I'd ordered a lovely green dress, like a proper posh ball gown thingy for the event and it was supposed to be delivered on Thursday - it's now Saturday afternoon and it's still not here. I'm gonna have to wear a poxy suit which I really didn't want to do Still, it'll save me a few quid which is a good thing right now.
The other MAJOR deal is that my Dad is coming over from Cyprus today for the christening. I haven't seen him for about 18 months after I swore I would never speak to him again. My Dad is an alcoholic and basically moved to Northern Cyprus to drink himself to death and that is exactly what he's doing. It's just so awful to see; he's a shell of his former self and I'm dreading seeing him. I truly believe he's too far gone to change and I have to accept that drinking is his choice, his addiction. Fuck, it's too deep to even think about right now.
I spoke to my brother last night and I've asked him if he can explain to Dad what's been going on with me since I last saw him - I want my Dad to know about my baby etc. but I don't want him to bring it up tomorrow because it's Sonny's day and I want to be happy there; not having to run off to cry. It's going to be emotional enough. I've been meaning to get to Alanon for bloody weeks but have had so much on I've just not had the time. God knows when I'll finally get there.
Oh, and I've been thinking about a certain person A LOT this last couple of weeks. I don't know why and I wish I wouldn't but I can't help it. I wish I could just flush them out of my little head once and for all.
Right, that's enough from me for some time I think! Phew, it's taken me bloody ages to get all that on here, I just hope to God SG doesn't swallow it never to be seen again!
And the truth is, I won't ever be the same again will I.
I'm kinda embarrassed that I didn't know any Rage songs and that all the crappy chart music they played, I was able to tell everyone else what the song was and who it was by! I think I need to broaden my listening a little; I'm obviously listening to far too much Radio 1 
Still, it'll save me a few quid which is a good thing right now.
Stop thinking about a certain person. They are pointless and unnecessary!
Has your dress arrived yet? Better late than never I wnana see you in the pretty dress!!!