lifter82

i am not sure what i can do.......

i feel profoundly sad, dejected, rejected and unable to function at the moment....and having a week off work, whilst all my family are in another country and my fiancee decided to put out engagement on hold really fucking amplified those feelings

i was planning to go out and have at least one coke with some workmates, not really friends per se, but at least it would have been a fair bit better to sit with a few folks, hit midnight and then disappear shortly thereafter......but within the last hour or so at work, i started having a feeling inside me that i couldn't quite put on a finger, kinda like a combination of all the aforementioned things at the beginning of this entry....

i barely got home, and just started crying like a little fucking girl, WTF?!?!?!? this continued throughout the night, and i couldn't fucking move......and this has been going on all day

well, as i was acting crazy, i tried to sort out a therapist because i can't stand the thought of burying myself in a bottle or being on drugs again to numb the pain,, i figure trying to talk this shit out would be a better use of my resources, the source of this shit is defo internal and using external bandages is no good......hoping i get some replies soon.....the amount of stuff i that is rolling around in my head is starting to impinge on my work......whatever personal relationships i have at the moment are fucked, and any sort of routine i have been using to cope is a pretty shot to hell ATM......i am starting to not care about anything, which i think could be kinda dangerous

i need some sort of balance......really soon